


Halcyon

by kaley218



Category: Bleach
Genre: Action & Romance, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Plot, Romance, heads up on some, we've got it all kids
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:28:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29552127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaley218/pseuds/kaley218
Summary: Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya has a lot of mostly unprocessed trauma and needs to learn to loosen up. Kai Shima is an incredibly hardworking third seat and could probably stand to do the same, just as soon she stops worrying about always mucking things up. When powerful hollows start popping up and strange events rock Seireitei, the two find themselves pushed together to find out who exactly placed a target on the their backs and what they want, before someone ends up dead.Set (I'm guesstimating) 30 years after TYBW. Which I haven't read. BUT, I've read a lot about. Toshiro's all grown up, obvs. Rating might change, but sticking it here for now and feeling things out as we go. First person POV, sry if that's not your jam. This isn't a slow burn bc I like my characters together and taking on danger side by side, but, we gotta take our time a little bit, right?
Relationships: Hitsugaya Toushirou/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Water and Fire

**Author's Note:**

> What??? Someone writing Toshiro/OC fic???? In this???? The year 2021??? Okay, so this was partially spawned by the announcement of new anime episodes, but also the rewatch I just completed a couple months ago. So. Here we are.
> 
> Expect pining and romance early on, but the plot will pick up before you know it. We love DOMESTICITY and SUPPORT in this house, so we're front loading the relationship and letting our two lovebirds take on the plot together. Don't worry though, there will be plenty of emotional pain late, just not in a two partners fighting kind of way. I can't relate to that. 
> 
> First chapter is mostly setup and meet the OCs. I've got a very large chunk of this fic written already, so I can conclusively say the first is the worst. Hang in there and we'll get to the good stuff soon.

A chilly, late autumn breeze rustles the branches around my head. Funny, I didn’t think it was late enough in the year for it to be this cold. The slight chill is a blessing though, it might make me uncomfortable enough to stay awake.

Sitting up near the top of the tree with my back resting against the trunk, I have a clear view of the park below. Dusk is just starting to settle over Naruki City, but a handful of lamp posts cast enough light over the area, eliminating any potential issues with visibility. 

Shifting my gaze to the other side of the grassy space, I lock eyes with Rin Hamada. The slightly-built soul reaper gives me a brief nod before refocusing her attention on the space between us. Her sharp eyes are a pair I can count on to assess a situation quickly, so she’s always an easy pick for my little strike teams. 

Looking down and to my left at a bench in the park, I see the wide shoulders and short-cropped, black hair of Hinote Nakamura. Like he can feel my eyes on him, he tilts his head my way slightly and nods. Who am I kidding though, he probably can tell when I’m looking. 

We had grown up in Rukongai together, and he was like the big brother I could always count on to have my back. We made a good team on the streets of Rukongai for years, but drifted apart when my older sister got a position at the Kuchiki Estate. She served as an attendant for Lady Rukia, so we had both moved onto the estate grounds. I didn’t hear anything of what happened to him until running into him at the soul reaper academy years later. We picked things up right where we left them, and I managed to join the Gotei 13 just a couple years after him.

After a stint of several years growing and climbing the ranks in Squad 6, a transfer request had made its way across my desk. Apparently, Hinote had recommended me for the open 3rd seat in his squad. I found it odd at the time that a 15th seat was contributing to such a selection, but it made sense after learning how close Squad 10 was.

It still seems like a fluke that I ended up outranking him on his own squad, but I was glad to have him at my back for little missions like this. His confident and fiery personality fit his fiery zanpakuto perfectly.

I settle back into the tree trunk after checking on both squad members. Normally, I would be alert and focused for the extent of a mission like this, but it was difficult to stay sitting straight after three nights with barely any sleep.

After a few moments resting against the tree, my eyes and head start to droop. It only takes a moment and the darkness behind my eyelids shifts to the image of a still pond. A clear blue sky is reflected in the water, but the surface of the pond is the only thing in my cone of vision. Drifting in the center of the pond is a solitary Narcissus flower, it’s white petals taking on a blue tinge from the water. It’s peaceful, and I feel the pull to wade into the water. I start to take a step forward and, just like every night for the past week, the scene suddenly shifts. The surface starts to reflect a dingy orange glow and ash settles on the delicate petals. Shouts start to filter into the previously peaceful silence. 

Jerking myself awake, I shake my head, trying to clear the image from my mind. Vivid dreams were one thing, but the same dream for nearly a week was just getting ridiculous. Taking a deep breath, I reorient myself in the quiet park. The last vestiges of the sun are dipping below the horizon. Good, I couldn’t have dozed off for more than a minute or two then. The last thing I would want would be to nod off and leave Hamada and Nakamura to deal with the hollow themselves.

Normally, it wouldn’t be a problem. Both were more than capable of dispatching a hollow. However, there’d been a recent spike in hollow activity in Naruki City. An abnormal number of hollows had been popping up, including a couple of gillians. Since the city was under Squad 10’s jurisdiction, the seated officers had been taking turns dealing with problems as they arose. 

Our little trio had spent a couple hours in the world of the living before determining that this park was the current hollow’s hunting ground. With Nakamura as the bait and Hamada and I in the wings, this should be an easy mission. 

A few more minutes pass with no such luck. Resisting the urge to heave a frustrated sigh, I start to sit up a bit straighter in the tree. A spike of pressure hits my mind’s eye. Tensing, I shift slightly to look at Hinote. His previously relaxed form is just as tense, waiting to spring. 

A heavy shadow in the treeline starts to shift as a hollow moves forward. 

Oh no. Worst case scenario.

The hulking form puts off far too much spiritual pressure to be anything below a menos, but it certainly isn’t a gillian. It’s arms practically drag across the ground as it moves forward with six razor-sharp claws extending from each hand. It’s form must be at least ten feet tall with its bulky arms, and it’s chest spans another five across. A long, horned mask ended in two pincers, creating a beetle-like appearance.

Hinote doesn’t waste any time drawing his zanpakuto, and he stands, holding his ground. I follow, sliding my zanpakuto from her sheath at my side. 

A deep, gravelly voice rolls across the open space to us, “are you sure you don’t want to run little soul reaper? It’ll make this funner.” The hollow sits back with a grin as it stares Hinote down. Rather than dignify the hollow with a response, Hinote throws our plan into action, yelling as he charges forward. 

Using his yell as cover, I utter, “whisper, Ido no Kage.”

I feel a subtle darkness settle around my form as my zanpakuto mutes my steps and bends the shadows around me like a weak form of camouflage. The blade thins slightly, feeling as light as air. Hopefully, the extra stealth will be enough, and I won’t have to tap into the full extent of my shikai. 

Slipping into a flash step, I appear behind the hollow just as it blocks Nakamura’s first strike. The clash echoes through the park as I aim for the spot between its two horns, driving my blade in a downward arc. If I can land this strike, we may not have anything to worry about.

ust as my blade is about to ram home, I hear Hinote grunt in pain and he goes flying backwards. The hollow shifts on its heel, bringing one of those clawed hands sweeping towards me. 

Without time to course correct, I bring my zanpakuto up to block the strike. The heavy impact carries me to the ground and knocks me down to one knee, sliding a few feet back. With a grim laugh, the hollow turns its eyes to me, “A sneaky one too? I wasn’t expecting two meals.” 

“Try three,” I bite back as Hamada’s blade cuts through the hollow’s shoulder. It’s arm goes limp for just a moment, giving me enough time to disengage and take up a defensive stance. The hollow roars, giving me its back as a fine spray spews from its pincer-like jaws. Hamada is quick, but not quick enough. Her shriek chills me to the bone.

“Rin!” No, no I’m not losing a squad member because of one errant hollow. I won’t let that happen. I let loose a gutteral noise of my own as I drag my zanpakuto across the hollow’s back, setting its attention back on me. 

My shadows and silenced steps weren’t enough for a quick, unnoticed strike, so there’s no reason not to go loud now. Throwing a glance towards the small pond a dozen yards away, I steady myself for a moment, focusing my energy on the still water. I need to make sure it moves to my command and doesn’t spin into a maelstrom in the middle of town.

“Got anything fun up your sleeves, reaper?” So, this hollow liked to chat. That’s something I can use to my advantage.

“Maybe, but I’m not sure you’ll like it.” The hollow lets out a low chuckle, eyeing me closely but not moving forward to strike. Focus, just focus. Reaching out with my reiatsu, I can feel the water on the edge of my senses. 

The hollow tilts its head, “should I wait while you give it a try?”

It takes a step to my left, starting to slowly circle me. Hamada, I can see Hamada. Is she? She looks like she’s breathing, but a nasty burn covers her chest and neck. My eyes dart back to the hollow, who still hasn’t taken action. Must like playing with his food. 

I feel a pull in my gut as my reiatsu finally sinks into the water, the energy I had sent out wanting me to follow it into the depths. If this hollow keeps circling, he’ll be in between me in the pond, and I’ll be between the waters and Hamada. That’s something I can work with for sure.   
I throw a quick glance over my shoulder for Hinote, but he’s nowhere to be seen. If he’s conscious though, he knows to give me my space. Just a few more steps from the hollow...there!

I yank my zanpakuto up in one swift movement, the hollow jumping back to dodge what it assumed was an attack. An amused look crosses its face, “you missed little reaper.” Instead of answering, I pour all my energy into manipulating the stream of water rising behind the hollow. With the water nearby, all I need to do is focus my thoughts on directing where I need it to go. 

I pull it forward, crashing the stream into the hollow who lets out a gunt of surprise. No time to slow down yet though. The column splits into two and I bring both towards its head, trying to crush it between the streams. Turning on my heel, I circle the water in a running stream around myself, clearing the area to get a view of the hollow on the ground. 

It doesn’t move for a moment, two moments, and then it raises its waterlogged head. Of course I wouldn’t be lucky enough to get it on the first shot. Before I can move in for my next attack, I hear a groan from Hamada’s direction. 

I don’t have time to sit here with this thing, Hamada and Hinote both need attention. Pushing the thoughts of worry aside, I turn back to the hollow in front of me. This close, I can practically feel its eyes boring down into me. 

One swipe from those claws, one good hit with that spray, and I know I’m done for. And if I go down, we all do. For the first time this evening, I feel the slow creep of fear start to take over. My feet feel rooted to the spot, but that’s probably a good thing. Putting up a strong front or something. Or at least, it would be if someone stronger was standing in front of this hollow.

My initial strikes didn’t phase this thing, and I couldn’t let the circling water around me spin out of control. I can feel the heavy push of the water rushing over itself, practically begging me to let it run wild. Without a better plan, that may be exactly what I have to do. 

Shifting and correcting my stance slightly, I stare down the hollow. It looks like it doesn’t feel like talking anymore. A low growl builds up in its throat before it springs forward towards me. Reacting on instinct, I let my hand fly up, guiding the water to intercept the hollow. Unfortunately, it just crashes straight through the wave. With the one hand that’s still on my zanpakuto, I move to block the overhead strike coming down towards me. The clang of claws against steel rings out, but I feel a pinching sensation on my right side before the area explodes with pain. 

The water around me drops to the ground, my control over it no longer holding. I manage to glance down in my shocked state and see one claw protruding from my gut, just below my ribcage. The hollow dips its head towards my face, “you’ve played around long enough reaper.” My knees hit the ground as the claw slides out. Doubling over from the pain, I can hear the roar of my own blood pumping in my ears. I can’t do this. I can’t win this fight. This is it. Eaten by some random hollow in the middle of a park, and Hamada and Hinote are going to die with me. 

I tear my eyes off the ground to look up at the hollow standing above me. Thoughts crowd my head as I see it’s pincers open. The empty, dark spot where its mouth should be is hanging over my head and all I can do is stare at it. What a shit way to go.

“Kai!” Fire crashes down in a wave from above as I hear Hinote’s yell. For a moment, I’m entranced by flames, wondering where they came from. The hollow stumbles backwards under the intense heat, showing a brief opening. Then I hear Hinote continue, “finish it!”

Grasping my zanpakuto, I try to ignore the pain in my gut as I leap forward, aiming for that bug mask one more time. Focused on the fire on its back, it doesn’t see me coming and my blade finds purchase between the horns. I yell as I rip through the mask, following through all the way until my zanpakuto's tip touches the ground.

It finally starts to dissolve as I fall forward, steadying myself on the ground with one hand as I look up to see a haggard Hinote on the other side of the imprint where the hollow once stood. He meets my eyes before taking a deep breath, the fire extinguishing itself as he releases the air. 

I start to drag myself off the ground as he rushes to my side, his hands finding my elbow and waist to help me up. My own hand goes to the puncture wound on my side as I shake him off, “No, Rin, I’m more worried about Rin.” 

He might have had a few words about that under normal circumstances, but in the field, my word was law as the higher ranking officer. He turns quickly and drops down at Hamada’s side, leaving me to stagger towards them. 

Part of me doesn’t want to approach, Rin is one of my closest friends in the squad. If something happened to her on my watch, under my command, when I should have been protecting her... it feels like ice is creeping under my skin as I reach the two. My forehead wrinkles with worry as I take in a shaky breath to ask about her condition. 

Hinote beats me to the question and turns his head to me, “she’ll be alright. The burns won’t be fun to recover from, but Squad 4 will take care of her.”

I release a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “Oh thank the gods.” I grimace as another wave of pain overtakes me. With the worry for Hamada abated, my own wound seems to be extra painful. “We need to get back for treatment, both of us.” Nakamura nods and lifts Hamada in his arms as I slip my zanpakuto into the air in front of us, opening a senkaimon without a second thought.

“Let’s go,” We both move through the senkaimon, heaving another sigh of relief on arriving in Seireitei without an issue. I sheath my zanpakuto and turn to Hinote, “Squad 4.”

We don’t waste any time flash stepping across seireitei to the infirmary. Even in the evening, squad members are bustling to and fro, so it only takes a moment before someone notices us approaching. They whisk Hamada off to a more sterile treatment room while I’m pushed towards a general room.

I can’t help but grimace as the healer in front of me assesses the puncture wound in my side and starts treating it with kaido. 

Shaking their head, they look up, “you’re lucky, this is so thin. We can mostly patch it up in one go. You’ll still need to wrap it and keep it clean, but you should be good as new in a day or two.” Good, I get some good news tonight at least. They turn back to the healing process as they ask, “what the hell did this to you anyway?”

“Hollow,” my reply gets cut off as I suck in a breath at a quick stab of pain. Once my breathing returns to normal I continue, “nasty one, adjuchas. Didn’t think we’d get into that serious of a scrap.” 

A knock at the door pulls both of our attention before Hinote pokes his head into the room. I nod and give him permission to enter as the Squad 4 member turns back to healing. Before Hinote can say anything I ask, “how is she?”

Confusion briefly flashes across his face before he nods, “Hamada will be fine. I talked to Lieutenant Kotetsu, and she’s making sure Hamada’s comfortable. She shouldn’t wake up till tomorrow though, so there’s no reason for you to stay up here.” 

A knowing smile crosses his face as I shake my head. “I should make sure she’s alright.” He sighs before retorting, “she’s in Squad 4’s hands, you can come back by here tomorrow. You need to rest too,” he finishes as he sends a pointed look towards my gut. 

I know he’s right of course. If Lieutenant Kotetsu says she won’t be awake till tomorrow, then she won’t be awake till tomorrow. I acquiesce and let my shoulders drop as the healer starts to wind a light cotton bandage around my waist. There’s still a slight pull at the skin, and it hurts if I move too sharply, but I shouldn’t have any real trouble. 

“Alright, I’ll head back to the barracks with you tonight.”

Hinote replies through soft laughter, “good, you finally listened to reason. Besides, you need to be well rested before giving your report to the captain tomorrow.”

My eyes go wide for a moment before I drop my head into my hand. I hadn’t thought about my report. I was not looking forward to explaining what went wrong with the mission to Captain Hitsugaya. I prided myself on being a dependable officer, someone who took care of their subordinates and got their work done efficiently. Almost losing two squad members… I wasn’t sure if rage or disappointment were more likely. Or which one I was dreading more. In the six or so years I’d been on the squad, I hadn’t ever failed an assignment this badly. 

Captain Hitsugaya was an intimidating man who always had a serious look on his face. The squad deeply respected him of course, I mean, how could you not with his history and sheer power. But, he was someone that mostly kept to himself. Outside of a couple of appearances at opening ceremonies for festivals, I don’t think I’d ever seen him participate in the funner side of life in Seireitei.

What I had seen was him yelling at Lieutenant Matsumoto many times over the years. I don’t know how she held her ground against that icey, cutting gaze, and I wasn’t looking forward to having that turned on me.

A tight pull at my chest causes me to jerk upright, groaning. The healer looks up to me again and gives me an apologetic smile before they finish tucking and securing the bandages around my waist. They step back to examine their handiwork, and I give the bandages a once over before tucking the top of my shihakusho back into the bottoms. 

Looking up, I meet the healer’s eyes, “thank you,” I pause, hesitating as my eyes search their face, a name not coming to mind. They smile and reply, “Otane, 5th seat Otane.” I nod, relaxing, “Thank you Otane, I imagine this would hurt a lot more in the morning without your help.” 

“Well, we don’t get too much traffic this late at night, so it’s nice to have something interesting to do for a change,” he says with a light laugh. “You’re free to head back to your barracks, and we’ll let you know if anything changes with Hamada in the meantime.”

I give him a smile and another thank you as I ease myself off of the treatment table, heading towards the door that Hinote is learning against. He falls in step behind me as I pass through it, and we head towards the front of the infirmary. Once outside, we don’t waste any time and fall into a flash step, me moving slightly slower than normal to avoid straining my injury .

Transitioning to a walk, we pass through the large gate that encircles Squad 10’s grounds, giving the two on-duty guards a nod as we do so. This late at night, only a few braziers and the moon give light to the expansive entrance courtyard, the long, low and spacious barracks building commanding the view. One had to pass through or walk around the barracks building to access the rest of the grounds, a detail I always appreciated. Something about passing through the gates and the main hall made it clear that you were stepping into the tight-knit family that composed the squad.

I wince at the slight pull from my wound as I take the couple steps up to the barracks. Hinote’s hand shoots out to steady me, gently lifting my tricep. “Are you sure you’re alright Kai?” 

Nodding, I reply, “Yeah, just a bit sore still. I’ll be fine soon.”

One of his eyebrows shoots up as his face takes on an unimpressed look, “that hollow skewered you, I don’t think anyone would blame you if you took it easy for a couple days.”

“I know, but I still have my regular duties to attend to. Paperwork won’t push me over the edge.” I relax as we pass through the doors into the entryway. The long room has two staircases to either side, leading up to the second floor of housing. To the right and left, two long hallways stretched out, leading to all the first-floor residences. I grimaced as I looked up to the top of the stairs. Officers had second-floor rooms, no need to worry about footsteps keeping you up that way, but that meant I had to climb the stairs. 

Grasping the handrail, I school my face and try to ignore the pinching sensation in my gut as my right side takes most of my weight. It doesn’t take more than a few moments to climb the stairs, but my breath is still shaky on reaching the top. As I take a moment to collect myself, Hinote’s concerned face comes into view. “If you need anything, I’m just a few doors down.”

I close my eyes for a moment and breathe as deeply as the hole in my gut will allow. Giving him a small smile I reply, “I’ll come bother you if I need you Hinote.” He nods, accepting my begrudging reply. He knows I don’t like to have to rely on others too much. “Get some rest Kai,” and he turns and heads towards his room down the right hallway. 

I pause for a moment before turning to the left, stopping at my room, first one off the landing. Not having to walk all the way down the hallway, just one more perk of being a seated officer. I slide the door open as quietly as I can and slip inside my room. There’s something comforting about the familiarity and mundaneness of the space. 

Setting the oil lamp on my desk to a dim flame, I carefully pull off my shihakusho piece by piece. The black kosode doesn’t look too bad, other than the hole from the hollow’s claws. It’s the white shitagi underneath that makes me freeze for a moment. My own blood has saturated a large portion of the white fabric, driving home how close things were to going badly. If Hinote hadn’t stepped in when he did…

No, no need to dwell on those thoughts now. I finish removing my shihakusho and step into my private bathroom, another officer perk. Rather than trying to bathe with the wound in my midsection, I just scrub myself down with a washrag. It’ll do for now. 

I step out of the bathroom and slip on a simple, grey yukata. Moving over to the small mirror on my desk, I pull the two pins out of the high bun at the back of my head. My pale, hay-colored hair falls out of the bun in a messy heap. I pull a brush through the tangles for a moment before bringing both my hands down to support myself against the desk. Staring forward at my own eyes reflected in the mirror, I take a deep breath. I look even paler than normal, the effects of the evening showing themselves in my strewn-out appearance.

Pulling myself away from the mirror, I collect my torn, bloodied shihakusho and throw it into a heap in the corner. I’ll have to take it to get mended tomorrow if I have time. I drop onto the raised futon platform in the corner of the room and settle in for the evening. Despite the near-constant pulse of pain I feel with every shift and movement, exhaustion sets in and I drift off to sleep, greeted by the image of a still pond and solitary narcissus flower.


	2. Guilt and Guidance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, let's get into the plot you're here for.

Fire engulfs my dreams as usual, and I sit up swiftly, immediately collapsing inward on myself as my puncture wound throbs with the quick movement. Gentle sunlight drifts in from the one window in the room. Huh, I guess I did manage to get a full night’s sleep for once. 

I let myself lay back for a few minutes, slowly waking up and settling into the new day. I’ll have to write a report on last night’s mission and get it to Lieutenant Matsumoto today. Maybe if I get it written up and on her desk early enough, the captain will actually see it today. It’ll probably be best to get whatever disciplinary actions that are coming my way over and done with. 

Hinote would probably say I’m worrying too much, that Captain Hitsugaya is cold, but understanding. Hinote wasn’t in charge of the mission though, and it’s not his fault that Hamada’s still in Squad 4’s infirmary. 

Resolving myself to deal with whatever may come, I push myself up and off of my futon. I’m at my small closet in a few steps. 

Ignoring the casual yukatas and my one kimono at the back of the closet, I pull out another shihakusho and get changed. As I move around, I note that my pain has abated significantly, but it’s still present enough to make me hesitate on certain motions. I start to braid my hair down my back, but lifting my arms constantly is straining the wound, so I opt to twist my hair up into a tight bun instead, pinning it in place. A quick glance at my mirror tells me that some of my color has returned, but it’s obvious I’m still not at a hundred percent. 

Oh well, paperwork waits for no one. Except Lieutenant Matsumoto maybe. Bending over to slip on my tabi and sandals causes another jolt of pain, but I push it aside. I’m steadier on my feet than I was yesterday as I leave my room and head down the staircase to the main floor of the barracks. The heavy wooden doors to the front and back of the grounds stand open as they usually do during the day, and I nod at the handful of people up and moving about. 

Stepping out onto the back portico, I survey the inner courtyard of the squad grounds. The three long buildings that house the training hall, mess hall and offices stretch out in front of me. The open air training grounds are on my left, surrounded by a scattering of outbuildings, and the two small houses for the captain and lieutenant stand on my right. The houses occupy their own little courtyard, with a small privacy wall encircling them, but I can still see most of the grounds from here. The largest garden in the squad grounds occupies the space behind Captain Hitsugaya’s home. 

I wonder if he’s still there or if he’s already in his offices. Either way, my destination doesn’t change.

A few squad members greet me on their way to the mess hall as I descend the portico steps and head towards the office building. I slow my pace slightly as the puncture wound pulls with each step, but I’m not having trouble otherwise. In just a few moments, I step onto the wrap-around porch of the office building and pass through the open doors of the central hall. Taking the staircase in front of me as quickly as I can, I start to turn to the left when movement at the other end of the hallway catches my eye. 

I spot snow-white hair and the back of an equally white haori as I pause at the top of the stairs. He’s moving to step into the spacious corner office he shares with Rangiku when he looks up, turquoise eyes meeting mine. His expression is neutral as he nods, acknowledging my presence, and steps into his office.

The moment he’s out of sight I release the breath I was holding. He must not have heard about the past night’s events yet if he looked that relaxed. Well, maybe relaxed wasn’t the right term. He was no more formal and reserved than normal at least. Despite that, it was like I had been paralyzed by that notorious, piercing gaze. I found him intimidating, sure, but I’d never frozen up like that in front of him. He was my captain and we’d worked together plenty of times over the years. It must just be my nerves about the report getting to me. That or the lingering tension from last night’s fight.

Shaking off the stiffness in my body, I move to the first door of the opposite hallway, slipping into the office I share with a few other high-seated officers. I take a few moments to compose myself in the empty office before heading over to my desk against the far wall. Glancing out the window, I can see that most of the squad is up and milling about by now, the main door to the mess hall practically rotating on its hinges. The tension coiled in my body starts to release as I take in the scene filled with morning smiles. My desk does have a pretty nice view. 

I smile to myself for a moment before pulling out a pen and form sheet from the drawer on my right. My smile drops as I start to go over last night’s events in my head. I need to go check on Hamada as soon as possible. 

Putting my pen to paper, I recount travelling to Naruki City, scouting the area, and implementing my small team’s plan. When I start describing the adjuchas, I’m thrown back into memory. I’m on the muddy ground again, bleeding through my shihakusho, with those pincers and dead eyes towering above me. Panic starts to grip at my chest as I fall further into the memory, but the sound of a door opening makes me jolt forward with a gasp.

“Shima?” A low, rich tone meets my ears, turning up with a question. I look up to meet Captain Hitsugaya’s eyes in the doorway and am taken aback by the expression on his face. Rather than an annoyed expression, there’s the slightest tinge of concern in his eyes. It doesn’t reach the rest of his face, but it’s there. His eyebrow raises slightly and I realize he’s waiting on a response, I scramble to my feet and give a low bow, standing up as I ask, “Captain?”

His head tilts slightly in my direction as he responds, “your spiritual pressure spiked,” he lets the implied question trail off. I gasp in surprise as I process what he said. The memory of the battle must have thrown my body into a physical response. “Apologies Captain Hitsugaya, I was lost in thought and wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing.”

His lips part and he looks like he wants to ask another question, but he lets his face settle back into its normal, neutral expression. “Very well, I’ll leave you to it.” With those quick words he sweeps back out of the room. I stare at the empty doorway for a moment before retaking my seat. 

I take a moment to breathe, letting my fluttering heartbeat settle. It’s not fair that the captain can conceal his spiritual pressure so well. He must have that control constantly running in the back of his mind. Without it, anyone would be able to feel him coming from a mile away. With it, I end up jumping halfway when he shows up out of the blue.

I get back to writing out the details of the fight, detailing the cause of mine and Hamada’s injuries and noting that both Hinote and I released our shikais. I make sure to include a debrief of our treatment and commend 5th Seat Otane’s professional and swift action. 

By the time I’m wrapping up the report, Aoki, Watanabe, and Ono, the 4th, 5th, and 6th seats, respectively, have all filed in, found their seats, and gotten to the day’s work. I nod a good morning to them as I stand, finished report in hand, and move to the door. 

In a few moments I’m standing outside the door down the right side of the hallway. Nerves bunch in my stomach. I try to push the anxious energy away as I rap on the door gently, but no response comes. 

That’s not particularly irregular. Rangiku likes to take her time getting to the office in the morning, and Captain Hitsugaya tends to keep busy. Rather than wait on either to arrive, I slip into the office and pad over to her desk. Rolling my eyes at the stack of papers on either side of the desk, I set my own report on top. Captain Hitsugaya will want to see a report from dispatched soul reapers before any more mundane matters.

Confident in the knowledge that Rangiku will see my report first, I exit the office and make my way downstairs and outside. I twist my torso slightly and wince when a dull pain arcs through my side. Good thing I’m not trying to do any training today. I’ll take things easy, but I’m not walking all the way to the infirmary.

I slip into a flash step, moving outside of the Squad 10 compound and towards the infirmary. I’m there in a couple minutes, moving back to my regular walking pace. I’m greeted by an attendant at the door, and they take me towards Hamada’s room after a few quick questions. 

“She woke up this morning and managed to get some food and water down. Captain Kotetsu wants her to stay here for at least one more day, but the burns are already starting to scab over.” I nod as the healer looks back at me to confirm I’m taking the information in before continuing, “Because of the quick attention to the burns and their superficial nature, we believe there will be minimal to no scarring, but it’ll be best for her to stay here just to be sure.”

“Thank you, I’m sure she was glad to hear that.” The healer smiles at me over his shoulder before stopping outside what I assume is Hamada’s room. “Based on how your posture just lifted, I think that’s something you needed to hear, too.” His words catch me off guard for a moment before I nod, “I suppose so.”

“She has good people looking after then.” Good people, sure. As if I didn’t lead her into that mission in the first place. “This is her room, I can give you a few minutes, but she needs to keep resting. I give him a wistful smile as I thank him again and push the door open. 

“Kai!” her voice sounds light as I step through the door. I start to voice my own greeting as I take in the scene in front of me, but my eyes catch on the cotton pads and bandages covering her chest, neck, and creeping up to her left cheek. After a moment I manage to pull my eyes up to meet her own and step over to the side of her bed, “I’m so sorry Rin, are you doing alright? How’s the pain?” 

Propped up against the pillows and the headboard of the bed, she just laughs, wincing slightly as her chest moves with the flow of air. “Kai I’m fine, you don’t need to be apologizing.”

Words start spilling out of my mouth as all the worry I’d locked away last night bubbles up, “I should have had a backup plan in place in case the hollow turned out stronger than we were expecting. We knew powerful hollows had started popping up,” the image of her sprawled out on the ground comes to mind, “If I hadn’t hesitated to use my full shikai I might have been able to cut the adjuchas off before you and Hinote-” 

Her hand grips my bicep hard as she cuts me off, “of course you’re blaming this all on yourself.” 

As I search her face she shakes her head at me, an exasperated sigh leaving her mouth, “Kai, you can’t plan for everything. We’re bound to hit a few bumps out in the field,” I start to interject but she squeezes my arm again as I open my mouth, telling me not so subtly to shut it, “we all came back and we’ll all be in one piece soon. The hollow is dead. The mission was a success.” Her eyes bore into mine, waiting to see if her point hit home. 

I shake my head as my expression pinches closed, “that may be true, but I still should have done more to keep you out of here.” 

She lets out a guttural, “ugh,” as she releases my arm and leans back down on the pillows underneath her. “You’re just as bad as the captain.”

I perk up at the mention of Captain Hitsugaya, she must see the confusion on my face because she sighs and continues, “back when I first joined the squad, he accompanied my training squad on a mission. A few squad members came back with a handful of cuts and bruises, and he made the point to personally check on each member.”

My face relaxes as I think her story over, it reminds me of him coming down to my office this morning just because my spiritual pressure went a little haywire. Rin pulls me out of my thoughts with a laugh, “if it wasn’t for Rangiku I’m not sure anyone would have any fun around here.”

“Hey,” I turn to her sharply, “I’m fun!” She snickers at that, “Yeah, that’s a great way to prove my point.” I give a put-out huff and she says, “yes, fine, you’re fun too.” 

“Good, because I distinctly remember going out with you for drinks last week, and if you keep this up it won’t happen again.” 

She just smiles as she leans her head back and responds, “really though Kai, I’m fine, and this isn’t your fault. I’ll be good as new in a couple days.” 

I feel the corners of my mouth pull up slightly, “alright. I’ll lay off for now, but I don’t want to hear about you doing anything too strenuous for a bit.” 

She puts her hands up in a defensive gesture as she says, “okay, I swear I won’t try and do any training with my Squad 11 friends.”

I roll my eyes, as she asks, “so how did you two take that thing down?”

“Hinote used his shikai. It weakened it enough for me to slip in a strike.” 

She nods asking, “have you sent your report to the captain yet?” 

My face must have reflected my panic for a second because she starts, “I just want a heads up if I’m getting a check-in later.” 

I smoothe over my nerves as I take a shaky breath and respond, “I set my report on Rangiku’s desk before coming here. I should probably go check and make sure it actually ends up where it should.” As she starts to reply, there’s a knock on the door.

“3rd Seat Shima?” the attendant from earlier pokes his head in, “Hamada needs to get her rest.” I nod at the attendant as I turn back to Rin, “I’ll check in on you again later, okay?” As I head out the door she calls out, “Oh! If the captain insists on checking on me, you can just bring him back with you.” 

“We’ll see,” I throw over my shoulder as I leave. That would be assuming I’ll still have a position on the squad after this. Slipping into a flash step, I move across Seireitei for the second time this morning. The brief flashes of the buildings I’m passing through holding my attention rather than the worried thoughts about my report.

I falter as my feet hit the central Squad 10 courtyard.. My hand shoots up to my gut, bunching the fabric above my injury as I coil inwards, the stress of moving around so much pulling at the wound. Pulling back the top of my shihakusho ever so slightly, I take a peek at the bandages to see a bit of blood starting to collect underneath. Nothing to be concerned about, but I should probably slow down for the rest of the morning. 

My steps are a bit shaky as I head towards the office building, the smell of breakfast drifting out of the opposite building. Maybe skipping breakfast and straining a recent injury isn’t a smart combination. I’ll just check in on Lieutenant Matsumoto and then grab some food. Ugh, but I still need to take my shihakusho to get fixed and…

“ima..Kai!” I look up to see a confused looking Watanabe in front of me. “Sorry, I couldn’t seem to get your attention.”

Shaking my head I reply, “lost in thought, don’t mind me. What is it?”

“Uh, Lieutenant Matsumoto sent me to find you.” What? Why would? Oh, oh no. “Captain Hitsugaya wants to see you as soon as possible.” 

I take a sharp breath in at his words as I glance up at the window that I know gives the man in question a view of the courtyard. I try to swallow my fear as I turn back to Watanabe, “Alright, thank you for letting me know. I’ll head up there now.” 

“No problem!” Watanabe gives me a smile as he turns to head back into the office building. I resist the urge to drag my steps and follow behind him, only grimacing a bit as I climb the stairs. He gives me a nod as we split and head different directions at the top of the stairs. I stare down the hallway in front of me. I don’t know how, but I manage to walk all the way down until I’m in front of Captain Hitsugaya’s door. 

I close my eyes, taking a moment to breath and steady myself. Refusing to give myself time to think, I raise my hand and gently rap on the door. 

“Yes?” 

“Third Seat Shima reporting, sir.”

I hear rustling from the office as he calls out, “Come in, please.”

Sliding the door open, I step forward to see him standing, moving towards the two couches and low coffee table on the opposite side of the room from his commanding desk. He gestures for me to follow as he takes a seat on one couch, a paper that must be my report in one hand, and waits for me to come further into the room. 

“Sir?” I ask as I give a small bow.

He actually scoffs at that and states, “nevermind the formalities Shima, sit.”

I take a seat on the couch opposite and try to keep my hands from bunching up in stress-induced fists. My eyes fall on the coffee table as anxiety twists in my stomach. I should say something, right? I should at least apologize before we get into last night’s events.

“Captain Hitsugaya,” I may be speaking out of turn, but I’d rather just put everything out into the open than dance around it, “I take full responsibility for what happened on the mission last night. I should have been able to incapacitate the hollow before Hamada stepped in. I visited Hamada this morning to check on injuries, and she’s recovering well, but I still feel allowing them to occur was unacceptable.” 

I drag my eyes up from the coffee table to try and gauge his reaction. I’m expecting anger or, at the very least, annoyance, but I see neither. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was stunned. Eyebrows raised and eyes wide. Why hasn’t he said anything?

He takes a deep breath as his expression relaxes somewhat, a hint of a smile pulling at his normally neutral face. “Rangiku warned me that you’d be like this.”

Wait, what? What kind of response is that? I endangered the lives of two subordinates, and I get Captain Hitsugaya looking closer to a smile than I’ve ever seen him. I freeze as he continues, “I called you up here to ensure you were alright Kaida Shima. We had no idea it was an adjuchas that had surfaced. If I had known, I would have sent Rangiku with you instead of letting you go with a small team.” 

He tilts his head towards me, and I can swear I see the corner of his mouth pulling up, just on the verge of a smile. I’m speechless as my worries start to get replaced with confusion. I don’t know what to say. A slight shift of movement draws my eyes to his, and I watch as they flick back and forth, the deep turquoise searching my plain brown ones for confirmation. 

I take a shaky breath in as I finally gather my thoughts enough to respond, “Captain Hitsugaya you- you don’t, I mean I’m not.” I cut myself off as I take a deeper breath, closing my eyes, and release it, meeting his gaze once more. He still looks slightly amused. “Captain Hitsugaya, I believed I had fallen short of my mission parameters.” I pause for a moment, making sure he doesn’t want to interject, “but, I didn’t?”

He shakes his head as he replies, “Shima, you protected both of your subordinates, defeated an adjuchas, and brought everyone back in one piece. Where do you think things went wrong?”

I hesitate for a moment, I don’t want to look weak in front of my captain, but I’m not going to try and dodge the question either. Swallowing my pride for a moment, I respond, “I still feel my control over my shikai is lacking.” In my lap, my fist bunches around the fabric of my hakama. “If I had better control and a faster response time, I feel I could have kept Hamada from being injured.”

His expression drops to his normal deadpan as he leans forward, bringing his elbow to his knee and supporting his head with his hand. He takes a moment to search my expression, but I’m not sure what for. I brace for the reprimand that I’m sure is coming.

“How long have you had access to your shikai again?” 

The question takes me by surprise and I answer, “eight years sir.”

A low hum rumbles through his chest, “when you transferred to be my third seat, Lieutenant Abarai told me about the first time your shikai spun out of control. He described it like a maelstrom.” 

I nod my head, remembering the instance. The rushing push and pull of the water had become too strong for me to keep on a leash, resulting in something that resembled a water spout and causing damage to the nearby area. 

“You need water present to use your zanpakuto that way, yes?” I nod again, not sure where this is going. “Well, the normal training grounds wouldn’t suffice then. Though with your potential you’d probably want a bit of distance from the main grounds when training anyway.” He pauses as he seems to puzzle over something in his head, glancing out the window behind his desk. 

He turns his head back to me, piercing eyes meeting and holding mine. “Train with me.”

“S-sir?” 

“You need water, so you’ll have to either use the pond behind the captain’s quarters or find somewhere off grounds, and I imagine you’ll want someone nearby that can counter your zanpakuto if needed.” He pauses to think for a moment before continuing, “Besides, control was one of the first things I had to learn when I first started training with Hyorinmaru,” he glances to where the infamous zanpakuto is resting on the edge of his desk before returning to meet my gaze once more.

I don’t know what to say or where to start. Training with Captain Hitsugaya isn’t something I ever thought I’d be doing. There were plenty of other soul reapers stronger than me to take on that responsibility, much less the captain himself.

“Captain Hitsugaya,” I pause, his intimidating stare pinning me in place, “I don’t want to take you away from your duties.”

He gives me a look that says ‘really’ and responds, “It’s my duty to help my squad members grow. If you need help mastering your control of your shikai, then that’s my responsibility.” He sits up, “the only other person who could train you is Matsumoto, but my abilities are better suited to reigning in your shikai if needed.”

His matter-of-fact tone tells me that there’s no point to trying to argue with him, so I simply state, “Alright, sir. Thank you.”

His slightly annoyed expression relaxes and his gaze drifts from my face, down my body, to the spot that the hollow had skewered. A chill runs down my spine as he does, I’d never spent this much time talking to the captain one on one, and something about being picked apart by those eyes makes my heart beat double time. 

“How are you recovering?” Oh right, the wound. 

“I should be fine in a day or two, captain. It’s slightly painful if I strain myself too much, but I’m mostly in one piece. He nods, “Good. We can get to work tomorrow then.”

He stands up, moving towards his desk, and I rise to follow. He stops abruptly in front of the desk and sets my report down. His quick stop means I’m a bit closer to him than is probably appropriate, so I backpedal slightly as he turns to face me. A puzzled look passes over his face briefly, but he leans back against the desk, hand coming to his face as he mulls something over.

This close to him, it’s like I’m being confronted with his form for the first time. There’s not anywhere else to look. My eye level falls just short of his shoulder, making his tall form seem more intimidating, despite his lax stance. His shihakusho is filled out in just the right places to make his lean form evident underneath the baggy clothes. Dragging my eyes up to his face, still lost in thought, the elegant cut of his jaw and cheekbones stands out, ever so slightly messy hair falling down between his eyes. And those eyes. Deep turquoise with flecks of an icier blue. It was like looking into some kind of precious gem. You could drown in those eyes.

Focus, focus Kai. What the hell is wrong with me. I shake myself out of my reverie as his eyes flick back my direction, having come to some kind of decision.

“I still don’t like one thing.” He crosses his arms in front of his chest, “I don’t know why we wouldn’t have detected an adjuchas entering the world of the living, or why it would show up as a lesser hollow on our scanners.” He pauses for another moment before continuing, “was there anything abnormal about the request you got to dispatch the hollow?”

I take a moment to think over yesterday’s events, but no, nothing stands out. I tell him as much and an annoyed look takes over his features for a moment. “Hmm. I’ll let the other officers know to alert me first if another request comes through.” It seems like an odd request. We receive orders for the world of the living all the time, but I’m not about to tell Captain Hitsugaya that. 

He pulls me out of my thoughts and says, “If there’s nothing else that stands out about yesterday, that will be all.” 

“Yes, captain.” I bow my head slightly and turn to exit the room, but stumble slightly as a pull from my wound catches me off guard, falling forward. Almost like he had been following me across the room, Captain Hitsugaya’s hand immediately comes to rest underneath my wrist, halting my forward momentum, and his other hand floats behind my back in case I need further assistance. The gentle touch and surprisingly warm sensation of his hand on my skin steals my breath away for a moment before I start to right myself. 

“I’m sorry sir,” I begin to say as I look up to his face, but whatever additional words were coming fall from my mind as I realize we’re only a few inches apart. There’s concern in his eyes, as he opens his mouth, closes it again, and then says, “are you sure you’re okay Shima?”

Far too conscious of his hand still touching my wrist, I only nod, trying to keep an embarrassed blush from spreading across my cheeks. Finding my words I state, “I think I’m just a bit unsteady,” breathe, remember to breathe “sir.” I can feel myself sway ever so slightly, whether from the physical state of my body or the closeness between us, I’m not sure. His gentle grip becomes firmer, his other hand resting between my shoulders, as he notices me wavering on my feet. 

His eyes go wide like a lightbulb just went off in his head and he speaks, almost in a whisper because of how close we are, “you got here at the same time I did this morning.” I just hold his gaze, waiting for him to continue. The concerned look on his face gets replaced by a slightly irritated one, “You’re recovering from an injury and you skipped breakfast just to get a report on my desk as early as possible.”

Oh. I know I must look like a surprised idiot. I knew Captain Hitsugaya was smart, I mean, practically everyone knew the story of how he was some kind of child prodigy when he joined the academy, and I’d even seen him in action years ago, but putting those two things together just because I was clumsy. C’mon.

He heaves an exasperated sigh as he makes sure I’m steady on my feet and steps back slightly. His hand still rests underneath my wrist though, the grip relaxed again. “Go get something to eat, then I want you to take the rest of the day off.”

“But, sir, I” His eyes narrow slightly as he interrupts me, “if we’re training tomorrow you need to be in as close to top form as possible. That means resting now.” His sharp eyes tell me that there’s no argument I could pose that he couldn’t counter. He searches my face for a moment, finds what he was looking for, and releases my wrist, guiding me gently towards the door. “Go eat Kai, and make sure you have breakfast tomorrow, too.” 

I turn to face him on my way out, he’s still rooted to the same spot. My heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest as I meet his eyes one more time, “Yes, sir,” I bow my head and leave the room, closing the sliding door behind me, getting one last glimpse of his still form. 

I make it halfway across the courtyard to the mess hall before my brain starts working again. I was so close to Captain Hitsugaya I was practically in his arms. Oh my gods, was that okay? I mean, I wasn’t complaining but. He was so concerned about me, why does that seem so surprising? I know he’s always made his subordinates a priority, but I guess I’d never thought that would extend to me too.

His touch was so gentle, despite the strength that I know is behind those same hands.

He wants to train with me.

He called me Kai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How about that, we've got our cast together now. Well, most of em. There are still a few players hanging out in the dark that you won't get to meet until later, but that's later's problem.


	3. Ponds and Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to start training!

I see a still pond.

Gentle ripples extend and flow outwards from a single flower floating on its surface set in motion by a light breeze.

The same breeze rustles my hair, tickling the side of my face. Odd, I don’t normally leave my hair down. I gradually start to become more aware of my surroundings and my own body. I raise my hand in front of me, slowly flexing my fingers, and close them as if I was grabbing my zanpakuto. I let my hand fall as I return my attention to the pond. It sits quiet and still. 

I move forward slowly until I come to the water’s edge. I can feel a pull deep in the core of my being, like something is begging me to disturb the surface and slide into the pool. I’m wearing my shihakusho though, I don’t want to have to go back and change. I shake off the urge to step into the pond as I see the lone flower start to slowly rotate. It looks familiar. 

Ah, a narcissus flower. I remember the name from reading a silly myth in the world of the living one day while on patrol. Something about a man who gazed into a pond and fell in love with his own reflection. The name had stuck with me because I had looked up the flower later. The more common name was the daffodil, the emblem of Squad 10. It suited the squad. It was only natural that it would, it matched Toshiro’s hair.

Wait, Toshiro? Since when had I thought of the captain by his first name? That certainly wouldn’t fly if he were here.

The flower starts to drift towards me, faster than it seems the breeze should be able to carry it. It feels like it’s calling out to me. I kneel on the bank and start to stretch my hand over the pool, but my shadow over the water seems darker than it should be. As the flower drifts closer, the shadow starts to expand, tinting the water a murky color. I jerk my hand back and the shadow recedes, collecting near my form on the bank.

The flower stops, just out of reach, but I don’t want the shadow to overtake it. That’s when the breeze picks up, turning a few degrees cooler. The refreshing smell of a wintery morning reaches me as small flecks of ice start to form beneath the flower, stretching forward to meet my shadow.

Mesmerized, I once again extend my hand, the shadow following. It’s like the ice wants to bridge the distance between myself and the flower. Just a few more inches and I’ll be there. 

A warm wind blows up from behind me, causing my hair to fly into my face. Struggling to keep my eye on the flower, I don’t notice as ash begins to fall, tainting the pond a murky grey. It’s not till I feel an intense heat at my back that I pull my eyes from the flower, only to see flames obscuring my vision. Like a stampede, they encircle the pond in mere moments. 

Panicking, I pull into myself, trying to put as much distance between myself and fire as I can, but there’s nowhere else to go. I feel the pull of the water calling me in my gut once more. As I scramble backwards, my hand slips on the bank and I start to fall into the water. I plunge through the surface, falling backwards into water that’s deeper than it should be, floating down with my hand extended towards the surface. I can still see the flames as ice starts to creep across the surface of the pond from the centerpoint of the flower. I won’t have a way out if I don’t swim up now, I have to...

My eyes fly open as I gasp for a breath. Awake. I’m awake. 

I sigh as I bring my breath back under control, staring up at the ceiling of my living quarters. It was just a dream. The same dream I’ve been having for over a week now. It was different this time though. I felt more in control, at least until I fell into the water. 

I slide my eyes over to where my zanpakuto rests on its stand to my right. Ido no Kage must be trying to tell me something, or at least making a point about my control over my shikai. But then what was that nonsense about ice? My abilities didn’t extend to other forms of water. And the daffodil. I turn my head back to look up at the ceiling, feeling my chest rise and fall as I breath, thinking over the detailed dream and trying to commit it to memory.

I shouldn’t waste too much time lying down, I need to get up and moving because I...I’m training with Captain Hitsugaya today. I don’t even know where to start with that. 

I take one more deep breath before rolling out of my futon. Padding across the floor, I go through my usual morning routine. It’s not until I’m sitting down at my desk, staring into my small mirror, that I think to check the bandaged around my stomach. 

I pull the top of my yukata off my shoulders and check the wound as best I can. I had changed the bandages last night before going to bed and there wasn’t any blood coming through now. I twist my waist, bracing myself with my hand against the back of the chair. There’s a slight twinge of pain, but the difference between today and yesterday is astronomical. I guess Captain Hitsugaya’s insistence on me taking the day off paid off. 

Shifting my attention back to the mirror, I start to put my hair up in my normal bun, but hesitate. Maybe something a little different today? I braid my hair down my back instead and curl the braid into a bun, pinning it in place. It’s not much of a change, but it does look nice. Wait, why am I so bothered by my hair all of a sudden? It’s not like the captain hasn’t seen my hair before. Whatever, I shake my head as I start to stand up. It’s up and out of the way. That’s what matters.

I change into my shihakusho and slip on a fresh pair of tabi. The dirty, bloodied heap of clothes in the corner of the room catch my eye. Damn, I forgot to take those in for repairs. I’ll need to do that this afternoon. Assuming I’m done by this afternoon? I have no idea what Captain Hitsugaya has planned.

I do know one thing though, he was adamant that I eat before we do any training. 

Moving out of my room and down the stairs, I greet a couple squad members before heading out onto the portico, slipping on my sandals as I pass through the entryway. Once outside, I proceed to the mess hall. 

The chatter of several dozen voices and the clanging of silverware against dishes greet me as I pass through the doors of the hall. A few people look towards me as I enter, giving me a smile and a, “good morning, Shima,” which I return with ease. I grab a bowl of miso soup, something that’s easy on my nervous stomach, before glancing around the hall for any of my normal eaters-in-arms. Spotting Hinote and Aoki in our usual corner, I head that way.

“Good morning,” I state as I slide onto the bench and start tucking into my food. 

“Hello there lazy bones,” Hinote shoots back. 

I give him an indignant look as I swallow my first bite of food, “C’mon now, I didn’t sleep in that much.” 

“For you, you most certainly did,” Aoki chimes in, “you’re normally up in the office by now.” I bring another bite of food to my mouth and roll my eyes. 

Hinote turns to me, “feeling better after a day off?” I look for any hint of teasing in his eyes but find none, so I answer, “yes, actually, much better.”

“Good,” he replies softly. 

Aoki perks up at the switch in topic, “right, you two got into some kind of scrap a couple days ago, didn’t you?” I just nod as Hinote takes over, recounting our fight much more elegantly than I would have. Once Aoki is satisfied with the tale, Hinote takes the opportunity to get in another bite, leaving Aoki to pester me instead.

“So what has you not only sleeping in, but actually eating breakfast for once?”

“I eat breakfast!” I shoot back at him, dropping my spoon away from my mouth, “I just normally take my food up to the office!” He raises an eyebrow as he responds, “and you expect me to think that’s better… how?” 

“You wouldn’t understand Aoki, some of us actually like to get our work done early.” 

That one gets a couple snickers out of those seated nearby, Hinote chuckles as he mumbles, “now that’s a low blow.”

While I do enjoy the ribbing, I don’t want to leave Aoki put out, so I answer his earlier question, “I’m training my shikai toda, so I want to make sure I feel up to it.” Both Hinote and Aoki seem a bit taken aback by that admittance. I guess it was pretty common knowledge that I didn’t enjoy working with my shikai.

Hinote glances down at me, “you know, if you need any help I’m here.” 

I smile at him but reply, “I’ve actually already got some, but thank you.” The unspoken question of ‘who?’ hangs in the air as the two men glance at each other before returning their attention to me. Still swallowing my most recent bite, I make them wait a moment before answering, “Captain Hitsugaya is helping me.”

At that, both their eyes go wide. “The captain is?” Aoki asks. I confirm as I keep eating, wondering why that’s so surprising. It’s not like it’s something completely out of the range of possibility. I am the third seat after all. 

“Well,” Hinote seems oddly quiet for once. I send a questioning glance his way before he continues, “just be careful. He’s a lot stronger than you or I.” 

My expression changes to one of ‘well duh’ as I finish chewing. “Of course he is, but we’re training my shikai, not his.” I don’t get why Hinote’s being so cagey about this, especially when it was his recommendation that helped me get a position on the squad years ago anyway.

Before I can question him about it, something soft envelops me from behind. I don’t need to see the strawberry blonde hair or hear the bright and cheery, “Kai! Good morning!” to know it’s Rangiku behind me. She plops down in the seat beside me, begrudgingly pulling my attention away from my food. “How are you? I’ve been meaning to check on you since I gave the captain your report yesterday morning, but I missed you coming to meet with him!”

Hinote interjects with another question, “you met with Captain Hitsugaya yesterday?”

I turn quickly, answering Hinote first, “yes, he just wanted to check in about the mission in the world of the living. We decided that I could use some help training then.” Focusing back on Rangiku, my hands rise in a placating gesture, “I’m nearly back to a hundred percent, just a little sore still.” 

“But you fought an adjuchas?” her excited questions come bubbling out. I nod but twitch my head back in Hinote’s direction, “I did have help though.” 

Her vibrant laugh rings out as she grabs my hands with her own, pulling them between us, “that may be true, but it doesn’t sound like it was an easy fight. I’m glad we still have you all with us Third Seat Shima.”

“Oh, it’ll take more than an adjuchas to knock Kai down,” Hinote calls from behind me. 

“I know it would,” Rangiku replies before she focuses back on me, “About that. Captain Hitsugaya wanted me to tell you to head over to the garden behind the captain’s quarters whenever you’re done eating. Something about early rising and a keen mind,” she rolls her eyes as she finishes relaying the message. So, he’s already waiting on me. 

I pick up my bowl and drain it in one fell swoop, much to the amusement of the rest of the table. Rangiku laughs as I stand, “I’ll remind you of that the next time we go out drinking Kai.” I sigh as I look down at her, “I’m sure you will Rangiku.” I start to head out of the hall, sparing one last glance to the table before I step outside. Hinote catches my eye, an uncharacteristically guarded expression on his face. He’s probably just worried about me straining myself.

Stepping out into the morning sunshine, I cross the courtyard to the office building and follow the length of the building until I come to the wide courtyard behind the barracks building. I take a moment to compose myself while looking up at the building I’ve called home for several years now. My hand finds the bun at the back of my head, making sure it’s still secure. Breathing deeply, my thoughts drift to the captain.

Whatever it was that had me so caught up yesterday, I can’t let it get to me today. I need to focus. Captain Hitsugaya won’t appreciate any needless distractions. He’s taking time out of his schedule just to help me train my shikai, I don’t want to waste his time. 

I look to my left, focusing on the small interior gated courtyard that holds both the lieutenant's and captain’s homes. Alright then, let’s do this.

I pass through the arched gateway, the lieutenants home on the left, a small garden to the right, and the captain’s home before me. I know the main access to the large garden on Squad 10’s grounds is behind the home. It’s probably intended to be a place where the captain can meditate and train without being disturbed. Guess I’ll be disrupting that peace. 

Rather than stepping onto the porch of the captain’s home, I follow a stone pathway around the back, spotting a small archway in the back of the walled courtyard. The grassy space behind the home seems relaxing. It’s simple with just a couple trees and a scattering of smaller plants filling the space.

Passing through the archway, I’m immediately taken aback. This feels more like a small forest than a garden. It’s obviously cared for, but the stone path in front of me winds off in different directions between ancient trees. I can see clearings through the trees, so there’s plenty of open space, but it’s not what I was expecting.

Forward is probably the best path. I set out, passing through the shadows cast by the canopy in the morning sun. The trees aren’t thick enough to make it really feel like a forest, but it does have an escapist effect. It doesn’t feel like I’m in Seireitei anymore. 

The winding path emerges from a slightly denser tree line, and a soft gasp leaves my chest.

The clearing in front of me is beautiful. The path ends to give way to soft grass, with several large rocks, each with a smooth, flat top, dotted around the clearing. Daffodils grow sporadically between the rocks, and on the left side of the clearing is a still pond. There must be some kind of kido or enchantment on the area for the flowers to still be blooming this late in the year.

Still as a statue, eyes closed, hair drifting lazily in the breeze is Captain Hitsugaya. He’s sitting cross-legged on the rock nearest to the water, the early-morning sunlight dancing across his face. His expression is relaxed, almost soft. Hyorinmaru stands on its pommel, the point of the blade resting against the captain’s shoulder. He must be conversing with his zanpakuto.

I don’t want to interrupt, but I’m not sure where I should go. I scan the clearing with my eyes, turn back to look over my shoulder, then back to the captain. His turquoise eyes meet mine. If I was already having trouble breathing, that didn’t help at all. 

“Shima,” his face returns to its normal passive expression.

“Captain Hitsugaya,” I give a nod as I step into the clearing. He stands, taking Hyorinmaru and sheathing it on his back before walking to meet me on my side of the clearing. 

“Do you think this space will suffice?” he asks, looking down to me for confirmation.

“It should do nicely captain.” He nods, moving towards the pond and gesturing for me to follow. 

“Training for me always begins with speaking to Hyorinmaru,” he tilts his head towards the rock he’d previously occupied. Taking the hint, I settle onto the rock in a similar stance, the pond to my right, as he sits on a rock to my left. 

“How is your relationship with your zanpakuto?” his question draws my attention. I loosen the tie that keeps Ido no Kage attached to my waist, and bring her to lay across my lap in her scabbard. Resting my hands on top of the scabbard, I keep my eyes on her as I answer, “We tend to work well together, but,” I hesitate for a moment, “Lieutenant Abarai always told me she sounded like Zabimaru back when he was trying to grow stronger.”

“And what does that entail?” I see a questioning look on his face as I meet his eyes. I turn my face down as I feel an embarrassed blush rising to the surface. I mumble out, “she tells me she’s ready to fight, but I’m the one that needs to catch up.”

I hear a low, amused ‘hmph’ from his direction and look up to him again. His hands rest on the rock behind him, learning back. This is definitely the most relaxed I’ve ever seen the captain. “So, what do you feel holds you back?”

I let my head drop to stare at my sheathed zanpakuto. Past memories of training, a couple hairy fights, and more all running through my head. That afternoon on the Squad 6 training grounds stands out. It had been a normal training bout. Sparring, actually. I’d wanted to flex my abilities and released my shikai without a second thought. 

Not removing my eyes from my zanpakuto, I start to answer, “The first time I lost control of my zanpakuto I ended up damaging the side of the Squad 6 barracks. I could’ve hurt someone.” I pause, but the captain doesn’t say anything so I continue, “I don’t want to hurt anyone because I get pulled under by my own zanpakuto.”

He tenses for a moment, face pinching together as some memory flashes before his eyes. He inhales quickly and stows whatever it was away, returning his expression to normal. Sitting upright, he takes on a more serious tone, “I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen, that’s why I’m here.”

I meet his eyes briefly before letting my head fall again, preoccupied with the grass near his feet. He asks, “what did it feel like, when you lost control?”

“Like I was drowning.”

Neither of us say anything for a few moments. I’d never admitted that aloud. I’d just admitted that some part of me was scared of my own zanpakuto’s power. A power that was supposed to be just as much a part of me as Hyorinmaru’s ice was a part of the captain’s very being.

“Ido no Kage,” he says the name of my zanpakuto, breaking the silence, “Well of Shadows.” I nod slowly, confirming the name. “You’ve described your zanpakuto in the past as having two parts.” 

“Yes,” I respond lightly, “she allows me to manipulate water and draw shadows around myself. Either letting me fill a battlefield with the rush of water or slip into the shadows for a silent strike.”

He hums to himself before stating, “Hyorinmaru and I are able to use many different abilities and techniques,” I meet the neutral expression on his face with one of rapt attention on my own, “but all our abilities draw from the same point. They’re meant to work together to help us overcome our opponent.” His eyes bore into mine, head tilting slightly to the side as he watches for my reaction, “Using one technique alone in battle isn’t how we’re meant to function together. It would be like ignoring a part of my own soul.”

My mouth opens slightly as my eyes narrow, considering his words. I don’t see how shadows and water are supposed to work together, but the captain’s bond with Hyorinmaru runs deeper than anything I could ever hope to achieve. I certainly won’t question him on that. 

“Before we try anything,” he pulls my attention back his way, “talk to your zanpakuto,” he jerks his chin towards the sword in my lap. He just waits for me to comply, so I draw her from her sheath, setting her in the same position the captain had Hyorinmaru in earlier. I try to relax and slip into a meditative state, but I can feel the captain’s eyes on me still. I hear a rustle of fabric and crack one eye open to see that he’s turned around, giving me his back. His haori falls gently across the back of the rock, barely trailing the ground. He must have realized I was nervous with him watching me.

I finally feel myself start to relax as I close my eyes again. Calling out with my mind, I think, ‘Ido no Kage?’

It only takes a moment before I feel a presence bubble up from my chest, her quiet, delicate voice falling on my ears, ‘Kaida.’

‘I want to learn’

‘Learn what Kaida?’

Learn what? What am I trying to learn? Control? The pond from my dreams flashes across my mind. The flower, the ice, and the shadow that moved on its own.

‘How to use our shadows properly’

There’s a pause, and it feels like she’s giggling, ‘after all these years, Kaida?’

Alright, fair. I had certainly neglected her for longer than I should have. We spoke frequently enough, but I knew there was always an underlying frustration with the way I used my shikai.

‘Kaida, I’ve been waiting for you to unlock what could be. The power we could have.’

‘What does that mean Ido no Kage?’

‘Our powers are one and the same, the flow of the water can carry you to your next strike.’

‘But how?’

‘That is what you must learn, Kaida.’

I give an exasperated snort at that as I feel my expression pulling together to one of frustration. This is what it was like before, when I had tried to first learn how to use my shikai. Never a clear answer, always some circular nonsense. A low chuckle hits my ears. The captain? I push the thought aside as Ido no Kage speaks again. 

‘You were afraid of our power. What changed Kaida?’

What did change? There was the fight that I had felt was a failure, and the image of Hamada on the ground flashes before my eyes. Then there was the look in the captain’s eyes when I had met with him yesterday, soft and concerned. I didn’t want him to have to worry about me. Then there was the look I had seen moments earlier, some kind of understanding that had passed between us that I didn’t know how to describe.

‘I need to be stronger. I need to be able to protect those I care about.’

‘And if you feel yourself losing control?’

I peek at the captain, his back still to me. ‘Captain Hitsugaya will catch me.’

Something clicks in the back of my mind as she states, ‘then let the water guide you.’

With that last comment, I feel her presence back down slightly, no longer taking up space in my mind. Her power still thrums and resonates from the blade and my chest, but I pull out of the meditative reverie. As I mull over her words, the captain turns around to face me once more, a question on his face.

“She told me to let the water guide me. That it should carry each of my strikes.”

He thinks for a moment before gesturing for me to stand. “Activate you shikai.”

I grasp Ido no Kage’s hilt as I stand, stepping between the captain and the pool. “Whisper, Ido no Kage.”

As my shikai engages, I feel an immediate pull to the water at my side. My sword hand drifting up like I’m reaching out to it. 

Captain Hitsugaya catches me by surprise, his voice coming from only a foot away from me, “let me see what happens when you call the water.”

I turn my gaze to meet his, hesitating. His serious expression turns soft for a moment, “I won’t let your power spin out of control.” 

With the extra reassurance, my attention goes back to the water. I let my reiatsu reach out to it, finding the water and closing my reiatsu on it in a vice grip. A column of water slowly rises and I begin to guide it with my empty hand, bringing it around the two of us in a ring. 

It’s like a horizontal waterfall, constantly flowing over itself, spinning around us in a ring. I wince and close my open palm slightly as it starts to pick up speed. I can feel it pulling at me, yanking my reiatsu like a line, trying to pull me into the rushing flow. I don’t normally hold it this long.

A hard tug hits me and I stumble forward, hand closing into a fist as I close my eyes and try to clamp down my control over the ring. Standing now with both arms outstretched, eyes closed, I can’t see anything but the water moving in my mind’s eye, wanting to pull me along wherever it would lead.

I feel a presence near my back, and Captain Hitsugaya’s low murmur comes from just above my ear, “water flows freely, it doesn’t like to be controlled.” I glance up at his face to see an amused smile looking back down at me, “that’s my specialty.” He reaches out his hand to meet my closed fist, “I think, to find control, you’ll first have to be okay with loosening it a bit.” His fingers gently cover mine, coaxing my fist to open.

As my palm opens, I feel the water yank me forward, but a steady, firm hand on my shoulder keeps me from moving far. ‘Ido no Kage?’ the panicked question rings out in my mind. 

‘Let the water guide you,’ comes her gentle tone. 

I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and try to let my body relax, leaning back into the hand on my shoulder. As the tension starts to leave my body, the pace of the water picks up, but I feel something else change too. 

“Good.” Captain Hitsugaya’s voice hits my ears, prompting me to open my eyes again. Normally, the water I pulled frothed and spit, like it was running over rapids or off a cliff. Now, it was like a steady stream from a perfectly crafted teapot. The clear, smooth water moved quickly, but not ferociously. 

I wasn’t meant to force the water to my will as a tool of power, I was meant to flow with it.

I look up to the captain, still standing behind me. A gentle smile tilts the corners of his lips up and there’s a look in his eyes that I can only equate to pride. He meets my eyes for a moment before looking at the ring of water around us. “Now that the well is cooperating, how about the shadows?” He releases my shoulder as he takes a small step back from me. He can’t go far with the ring of water encircling us, but he gives me enough space to maneuver. 

I can feel Ido no Kage urging me to move with the water, but I’ve never tried to use both abilities at once. What if I fail? What if the water turns back into the rushing mess that it was and it spins out of control? What if I…

“Kai,” the captain’s firm voice breaks me out of my thoughts. “Relax, listen to your zanpakuto. You are one and the same.” 

I breath and nod my thanks to him for assuaging the panic I’m sure was present on my face. Steadying myself once more, I step towards the ring, open palm extended. I hesitate for a moment before I let my fingertips break the surface of the water. Almost immediately, the shadows gathered around me slip into the water, tinting the clear surface slightly.

As I step forward, the water shifts around me. I can feel every drop of it, like an extension of myself. I feel like I could slip into the stream and emerge from the other side in a blink of an eye.

“What is the water telling you to do Kai?” The captain’s eyes are focused on me as he waits to see what I’ll do next. 

‘Let me guide you,’ comes Ido no Kage’s voice once more.

I let my arm slip into the water, like I’m grabbing onto the tail of a kite. It feels like a flash step, but faster. Quieter. Then I’m behind the captain. This time, he’s the one who gasps, turning to face me, a look of surprise on his face.

“You snuck up on me, and I knew you were coming,” his whisper carries the same surprise that’s on his face.

I can’t believe I did it. I slipped into the water and it didn’t pull me. I was able to move in and out as I wanted to, I even surprised the captain, I…

“Kai!” The captain's voice is serious this time as I pull out of my own head. My focus had only slipped for a moment, but the buzzing energy of my excitement seems to have whipped the water back into a froth. As I start to take in the rushing spiral around us panicked thoughts of failure and weakness start to creep into my mind, urging the water on further. 

My panicked eyes meet the captain’s as the water starts to crash over itself, spiralling over our heads now. He takes one look at me before Hyorinmaru is in his hands, a chain falling from the pommel as he automatically activates his own shikai. 

I feel his spiritual pressure wash over me as he does so, the sensation like a cold wind coming off a mountaintop. He reaches out, letting Hyorinmaru’s blade catch the swirling water, and it freezes instantly. He sheaths his zanpakuto as we both drop our shikais, and I fall to my hands and knees, the sudden halt of the water like a record scratch in my mind. 

I can sense the ice cracking around us, crumbling into pieces. Before I can react he’s there, kneeling in front of me. His hands grasps my shoulders as he leans towards me, urging me to look up, but I don’t want to meet his face. I failed, I lost control just as I was starting to get somewhere.

“Kai,” his voice is barely more than a whisper, “Kaida.” At the sound of my full name I finally tear my eyes off the ground below me to meet his eyes. “Are you alright Kai?” his eyes search my own for a moment.

I don’t know what to say other than, “I’m sorry Captain Hitsugaya.”

His concerned face, inches from mine, is crossed by a look of annoyance. “Look around you Kai,” his head turns to the side, glancing around the clearing.

I pull my eyes up to see the ice encircling us like a wreath, the twisting water having created all kinds of strange shapes. But, I notice something else, too. Outside of the frozen ring, the clearing looks exactly as it should. 

I didn’t damage anything else.

One of his hands leaves my shoulder to gently brush against my chin, bringing my face back to his. This close to him, I can only look at those dazzling turquoise eyes. His annoyed expression is still in place as he says, “You did exactly what you set out to do. I don’t want to hear you say anything about this being a failure.” He shakes his head slightly as his expression returns to something more relaxed. “We’ll work on refining the balance of your control, but this was one step forward on your path.”

I release a breath I didn’t realize I was holding as I murmur, “I did it.”

He laughs, Captain Hitsugaya actually laughs, a low, light chuckle falling from his lips. Amusement dancing in his eyes, “yes, Kai, you did it.” He gives me a smile as he starts to stand. He keeps one hand on my shoulder and extends his other hand to me. Taking it, he pulls me up with him, the firm, calloused grip of his hand still somehow gentle. We’re standing inches apart. I can see his chest rise and fall as he breathes in front of me. I raise my eyes to meet his, and he holds my gaze for a moment. 

It feels like there’s something humming between us.

“Captain!” We both start when we hear Rangiku’s voice, him releasing my hand and pulling back quickly. An annoyed expression flits across his face as he calls out, “Matsumoto?”

There’s an amused expression on Rangiku’s face as she glances between us before continuing, “the captain’s meeting starts in fifteen minutes. I thought you’d like to know.”

Captain Hitsugaya’s mouth forms a surprised ‘oh’ as his eyebrows shoot up, “I didn’t realize it was that late,” he murmurs as he looks up, finding the sun more than halfway across the sky. We must have been at it for several hours already. Funny, it didn’t feel that way at all. 

“Thank you Matsumoto,” he states as he looks back down to her, “the time got away from me.”

“That’s unlike you captain,” a suggestive lilt to her voice as she raises an eyebrow.

“Matsumoto!” He interjects, making her laugh as she turns to exit the garden. Captain Hitsugaya rolls his eyes and gives an exasperated sigh as he looks to me, “if she was as diligent about getting her paperwork done as she was about bothering me, we’d get a lot more done around here.”

A laughing snort comes out of my mouth before I can stop it, the captain giving me a surprised look before we both laugh lightly. He breathes deeply before asking, “same time tomorrow?”

“Yes, captain,” I affirm, much more confidently than before. The corner of his mouth turns up in a satisfied smile before he states, “I’ll see you then.” He turns towards the back of the garden, slipping into a flash step that will take him to the head captain’s office.

I bend down to pick up my zanpakuto from where it rests on the ground, sheathing her smoothly. Pausing to take in the peaceful clearing around me, I bring one hand up to my chest, the other holding Ido no Kage’s scabbard. I stare down at the slowly melting ring of ice. I know I still have a ways to go, but that was the most effectively I’d used my shikai...well, ever. 

The image of a smile on the captain’s face and pride in his eyes comes to the front of my mind. Those turquoise eyes inches from my own. I take a shaky breath in and out as I shift my focus on the pond in front of me. I really need to rein in these silly thoughts. Why can’t I get the captain out of my head?

He’d been relaxed and gentle, but firm when trying to guide me into tapping into my own power. It was like I was seeing a side of him completely opposite to the cold, closed off front he normally maintained. Why? Why did he feel comfortable showing that in front of me?

The mess of feelings stirring around in my chest weren’t making assessing that situation any easier. Either way though, I’d need to push them down and focus tomorrow. I slip my zanpakuto back into the loop on my side, my hand finding her handle. With Captain Hitsugaya’s help, I know I can learn to move as effortlessly as my zanpakuto wants me to.

That’s a promise I can make to myself, my zanpakuto, and my captain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so. Two things. First thing: I have 11 chapters written already, but my main focus is continuing to write (not edit), so expect maybe a chapter a week from here on out? Second thing: I finally did a deep dive into the Bleach musicals and OMW. I'm a music/theater kid that's done everything from children's theater to opera so...it's like the best and worst thing I've ever seen. I love it. Anyway, enough of rambling. Till next time!


	4. Memories and Melodies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I know I said wait a week, but I'm in an editing mood while sipping my coffee this morning so here you go.

I gently open my eyes, coming out of a restful sleep. I let my mind grasp at my fading dream, recalling any little bit I can. It wasn’t about the pond for once. I remember a hand on mine and a supportive presence behind me. I had turned around as their arms closed around me, holding me firmly. The eyes that I was drawn so closely to a vibrant, piercing turquoise. 

Oh. I can feel the blush covering my face as I remember exactly who I was dreaming about. This is getting ridiculous. I spend one day with the man and I can’t get him out of my head. I feel like a giddy little school girl. This is silly. Though I suppose it’s not the first time it’s happened. The captain probably doesn’t even remember, but he was the reason I had joined the Spiritual Arts Academy. 

I let myself slip into the memory of that night, one I haven’t thought about in a long time. It was shortly after my sister started working at the Kuchiki Estate. We still had a small apartment in the Rukongai at that point, not having moved to the estate permanently. She needed something from home to prepare for a festival, so I had agreed to go fetch it for her.

Night had fallen, but I was nearly at our little apartment when something had felt...off. I still remember the feeling of a chill running down my back as I sensed unfriendly eyes on my small form. I’d later come to learn that it was an absolute fluke, but a hollow had slipped deep into Rukongai, unnoticed. Turns out, it only preyed on children, so it had been able to pick off wandering souls that didn’t have anyone to look out for them.

It had pounced, and I had run screaming, frightened tears running down my face. I was still so young at the time, so it’s not like I had any way to defend myself. It had backed me into a corner. All I could manage at the time was to curl into a tight ball, trying to make myself as small as possible. I was terrified and out of my mind, certain I was going to die.

Then an entirely different kind of chill had descended on the alley. I had managed to look up to see a captain’s haori and snow white hair. With just one swipe, ice had engulfed the hollow and shattered it. Today, I’d recognize it as the captain’s hyoryu senbi. He’d turned around, that serious expression on his face morphing to something gentler as he’d assessed the sorry state of the kid he’d saved. 

I was dumbstruck and never managed anything more than a quiet, “thank you,” but it stuck with me. When he had helped me up and told me to go home, I’d realized the infamous captain in front of me was only a couple inches taller than myself. I’d thought, if a kid like that can be a captain, surely I can learn to defend myself, too.

He only had a couple years on me, but he was already a captain. Of course, I’d learned exactly who that captain was years later when I entered the academy, and why someone so young had attained the highest rank in Seireitei.

He was probably in the area that night looking for Rangiku. One of her favorite bars to crash in was nearby. Heh, and now I’m his third seat after all that. Yeah, there’s no way the captain remembers one scared kid from years ago. I’ll have to save that one in my back pocket for later.

Save it for what though? What am I trying to do right now? Or…what are my dreams implying I’m trying to do right now. Bringing my hands up to my face, I rub my eyes with the heel of my palms.

Pressing down with my hands, I hold my head for a moment before dragging my hands down my face in frustration. Yes, he’s attractive. Of course he is. I’m pretty sure every inch of his lithe form is muscle and his face is stunning. The startling blue-green eyes and riveting white hair help a bit too.

I huff out an exasperated breath as I roll over onto my side, propping my head up to look at my room. I can’t have a crush on my captain. Not only would it not be appropriate, but it would also be ridiculous to expect anything from him in return.

But he feels so familiar and comfortable. 

The way he looks at me when it’s just the two of us is leagues away from the neutral or annoyed look he wears when around others. I just don’t understand why.

A sigh escapes my chest. If I spend any more time thinking about this I’ll combust.

I move to sit up, my feet coming to rest beside the futon. I slip off my yukata and start to unravel the bandages around my stomach. I’m glad to see that all that remains is a thin, scabbed over line. I discard the bandages, I should be good to go moving forward. Otane had said I’d only need a couple days to recover anyway.

Rising, I quickly change and get ready for the day, using the braided bun I had donned the day before. I slide open my door to see a folded shihakusho in front of it. Ah, the one I sent to be mended and cleaned.

I gather the fabric in my arms and turn, starting to hang it up, piece by piece, in my small closet. As I’m folding the hakama pants and stowing them, I hear a rap on my door frame. “Yes?” I call, not worried about who it might be as I finish putting up my uniform. 

“Kai, I was wondering if you had a minute this morning.” I perk up at Hinote’s words, “Sure,” I reply as I close the screen door of the closet. He steps inside, closing the door behind him. “Everything okay?” I ask as I turn to him. 

“Yeah, just wanted to chat,” he gives me an easy smile before pulling out the chair of my desk and sitting.

“Oh, is this that kind of conversation?” I laugh as I plop down on my futon facing him. “What’s going on Hinote?”

He hesitates for a moment, several emotions flitting across his face before he settles on what he wants to say. He looks up at me, “I was wondering how your training went yesterday?”

Oh, my face must show my surprise because he continues, “just meaning, I know your shikai is something that’s been bothering you, so I wanted to know if things had gone well.”

Ah. I smile as my eyes drift to the side, glancing out the window to my right. “It went well actually,” I hear Hinote hum in response, waiting for me to explain more. “I’m not sure how to describe it actually.” 

I turn back to him, seeing his quizzical look, “Describe what exactly?”

“Well,” I start, trying to organize my thoughts. “It’s like Captain Hitsugaya knew exactly what I needed to hear. We talked for a while about my abilities and my relationship with my zanpakuto. He must have been trying to figure out exactly where the disconnect between us was.” 

Self-conscious, my eyes drift back down to settle my gaze on the floor between us. “He helped guide me through using my shikai. It’s funny actually,” I look back up at Hinote, meeting his eyes, “I think I was so obsessed about control that I wasn’t letting my zanpakuto work with me. I was trying to force it into behaving the way I wanted it to.”

“That’s great to hear Kai,” his soft smile lights up his face, “so you’ve actually got your shikai sorted now?” 

“Well,” I raise my shoulders in a shrug before dropping them, “I wouldn’t go that far. I still need to develop better control. I know I can do it though, and Captain Hitsugaya wants to work with me to fine tune it.” 

I feel a smile slide across my face at the mention of the captain, but Hinote’s falters for just a brief second. It returns nearly immediately as he responds, “good, that’s great. I’m sure you’ll both figure it out.” His smile no longer reaches his eyes though. There’s something in them that I don’t recognize.

“I shouldn’t keep you if you’re training again today,” he stands and I follow suit. “Breakfast?” he asks as we move towards the door. Brushing off the feelings of unease, I nod, “let’s go.”

It’s a quick walk to the mess hall where we head to our normal seats. Aoki and Rangiku are monopolizing the morning’s conversation, but I’m surprised and happy to see Rin sitting next to the lieutenant. I give an uncharacteristic squee of excitement as I set my food down and slide into the seat next to her.

“Rin, you’re up and moving!” I move to hug her, but hesitate on seeing the bandages still wrapped around the upper part of her torso. “Oh c’mon Kai, I’m not made of glass,” she pulls me in instead, squeezing tightly. 

“How are you feeling?” I ask as I pull back. She rolls her eyes, “I’m alright, Rangiku is hounding me to take it easy though.”

“As I should be,” the blonde leans forward and looks our way as she hears her name. “I need to make sure you people take care of yourselves.” She sends a mischievous glance my way, “especially when you’re training so intensely.” 

My eyes go wide and I know there’s a blush across my cheeks based on the ensuing laughter. Not willing to let her get away with that comment, I reply, “I’m not sure what you’re implying Lieutenant Matsumoto.”

“Ugh,” she lets out in a huff, shaking her head, “you and the captain are exactly alike. The second you’re mad at me it's ‘Lieutenant’ this ‘Matsumoto’ that.” 

“What-” I feign indignance, “we most certainly are not.” Everyone in our little corner laughs at that before Rin interjects, “c’mon Kai, you have to admit there are some similarities.”

“Like what.” I stare her down, eyes narrowed. She smiles, finger tapping her chin before answering, “Hmmm, maybe the fact that you’re both way too serious most of the time.”

“Ooh!” Rangiku jumps in, “what about the fact that they’re both workaholics!”

“I’m not a workaholic!”

My protestations go unheard as Aoki states, “your zanpakuto is water, his is ice,” he nods his head in my direction then in the direction of the captain’s office, emphasizing his point.

“Oh,” Rin turns to me excitedly with a question, “and doesn’t your name even mean dragon?” 

My eyes stay on the bowl in front of me, mouth drawn as I mumble, “it’s little dragon, actually.”

“Awwww,” Rangiku practically coos, “it’s a scary ice dragon and a little water dragon.” 

“You know what,” I shove a couple bites of food down as they chatter, “I think I’m done eating.” Rangiku throws her head back as she laughs, “alright, I’ll cut you some slack. But it’s common knowledge that you two are practically carbon copies of each other.” There’s a glint in her eye, common knowledge, huh. I sigh as I loosen up a bit. So the little scene she stumbled on isn’t common knowledge. Good. I don’t need to deal with the level of teasing that would come with having a crush on the captain.

“I appreciate the gesture Rangiku.” I say as pausing my spoon in front of my mouth so I can get one last word in before I take another bite, “but I don’t expect that promise to hold up.”

“Well I’ll just have to make it up to you then,” she gives me an easy smile, “since tomorrow’s an off day, I’m taking you out for drinks tonight.”

“Rangiku-” I start to complain, but she cuts me off, “nope, no arguments. Aoki and Rin already said they’re in, and Shuhei and Izuru are meeting us there.”

“Fine,” I acquiesce as I start to stand, “but I should probably get going anyway.”

Rangiku smiles up at me as she says, “I’ll come steal you from the captain when we’re ready to go!”

Ignoring the obvious bait, I don’t give the table a second glance before exiting the mess hall and heading towards the garden. Following the same path as the day before, I wind around the thicket of trees as the clearing comes into view. 

Turquoise eyes meet mine immediately, followed by, “Kai, good morning.”

“Good morning Captain Hitsugaya,” I reply as I move over to where he’s seated on a rock, just like yesterday. I perch myself on the rock beside the pond as I look to him expectantly.

An amused smile tugs at the corner of his lips as he notes my eagerness before he turns to me, expression dropping back to neutral, “today is about repetition.”

“Repetition?”

He sits a little straighter as his serious expression levels with my own, “You used your shikai to slip in and out of the water stream once yesterday. Now, you’ll need to do it again, over and over, until it becomes second nature.”

Right, the thankless part of training. Drills. Drills with a shikai though, that’s slightly more entertaining at least. 

“We’ll start by making sure you can get into that same headspace, then we’ll move on to using your shikai itself,” he says matter of factly.

He draws Hyorinmaru, gesturing for me to do the same, and assumes a meditative position, the blade resting on his shoulder. I follow suit, but I can’t seem to settle down. I’m excited to work with my shikai, not sit and meditate for an hour. I crack one eye open and take a look at the pond, noting the slight disturbance on the surface caused by the wind, and closing my eyes again.

My hand that’s supposed to be resting on my knee twists and bunches the fabric absentmindedly. I peek my other eye open, looking at the man in front of me. He sits perfectly still, hands resting in his lap, back straight, head tilted slightly to the side, as if he’s lending his ear to the sword against his shoulder. 

“Shima,” his eyes open. I jump, having been caught by surprise. His face takes on an annoyed look, but his voice sounds amused, “talk. to. your. zanpakuto,” he emphasizes each word with a pause before closing his eyes once more.

Alright, alright. I mimic his pose, folding my hands in my lap to avoid picking at the fabric of my hakama. I take several deep breaths, feeling the air flowing in and out as I calm myself. Eventually, I feel my heartbeat settle, and I call out with my mind, ‘Ido no Kage?’

‘Excited today, are we Kaida?’ 

I give a begrudging confirmation in my mind. ‘I felt connected to you yesterday, connected to what we can do. I want to do it again.’ She doesn’t give a vocal response, but I sense an emotion akin to a mix of pleasure and pride. 

‘What should I focus on today, Ido no Kage?’

‘Water does not stay rooted to one spot. Neither should the flow of your blade, and nor should you.’

With that, I feel her presence move away, and open my eyes once more. Captain Hitsugaya is already looking down at me from his perch a few feet away. “Ready?” he asks, and I nod in confirmation.

We both stand. This time, he takes several steps back, clear of the space I would normally form my ring. I don’t hesitate to activate my shikai, “whisper, Ido no Kage,” and I feel the blade narrow as her power thrums to life in my limbs. 

I feel the water near me without having to look down. Instead of grasping at it with my reiatsu like I normally would, I let my reiatsu dip into it, like sliding into a bath. The water of the pond takes on a grey tint, and I can feel it like an extension of myself. Taking a deep breath, I raise my palm before dragging it back towards me in an elegant curve, the smooth flow bending with my gesture.

I hear a low ‘hm’ from behind me and I turn slowly, rotating the water into my normal circle as I do so. I meet the captain’s eyes over the flowing ring. 

“So, had a good chat then?” he quips, one eyebrow raised.

A smile pulls at my lips, but I quickly school my expression, immersing myself back into the cool sensation of the water around me. Whereas I used to pull and push against the water, now it feels like the water is singing to me, the tones of the different pressure flows sorting themselves in my mind for ease of control.

I know my control will slip if I distract myself from the sensation, so I keep my gaze on the flow as Captain Hitsugaya speaks, “try to slip into the stream like you did yesterday. This time though, guide yourself outside of the circle. Land in front of me,” he finishes as he takes another step back away from the ring.

I nod, taking another breath before stretching out my hand to the flow. Just like before, it’s like catching a ride on someone else’s flash step. I try to guide myself, but stumble as I exit the flow, slightly to the captain’s right. I catch myself without much difficulty, and turn to him, “it’s a bit faster than I thought.” 

“So, timing the exit is just as important as a smooth entry.” I nod. “Try again, enter the ring.”

I focus my thoughts for a moment, feeling a tug at the back of my mind, ‘visualize where you want to go, and I will take you there.’

As if he can tell I’m talking to my zanpakuto, Captain Hitsugaya chimes in, “trust your zanpakuto, you’re partners. She’s there to help you use her power and yours.”

I place the center of the ring of water at the forefront of my mind as I extend my hand again, catching the stream, and I land inside the ring almost instantaneously, steady on two feet.

‘Thank you Ido no Kage.’

‘Thank yourself Kai, it’s you who’s taking the time to grow into our power. Or,’ I sense her pause, ‘maybe thank your captain.’ I can feel the mental smirk from my zanpakuto, and I try to push it aside. I don’t need to get distracted by teasing now.

Captain Hitsugaya has me move in and out of the ring a few more times until I land squarely in front of him outside of the ring, confidently in a fighting stance. 

His expression stays neutral, but his eyes light up when my feet find firm purchase on the ground in front of him. 

“Good.” Part of my mind starts to drift at the simple praise, but I push the emotion aside with the cool flow of water behind me. 

“It’s starting to feel natural,” I say as I look up to meet his eyes. 

“Why don’t we try something else for a bit then?” 

“Are you sure I’m ready, sir?” I ask, as my thoughts briefly turning to loss of control at the end of the day yesterday.

“You’ll need to push yourself a bit to keep improving Kai.” He turns and flash steps to the opposite side of the clearing. “I’ve seen you use your water as a weapon. Use it to maneuver across a battlefield,” his eyes narrow, “catch me.”

There’s something playful in the challenge, and I feel Ido no Kage’s resolve joining my own.

‘Let’s show him what we can do.’

I feel her support through my body as I call the water to me again, this time channeling its movements with my entire body, rather than just my hand. The stream shoots past the captain, the tail of the stream still nestled next to me, with the end curling around him. I catch the flow and appear directly in front of him, hand outstretched, inches away from him. All I see is a smirk on his lips before he flash steps away, slipping out of my reach with ease.

Spinning around, I see him standing on the rock he was sitting on earlier. “Looks like we’ve got a game Kai.” 

A determined smirk settles onto my face at the continued challenge. I let the water swell, imagining my destination, and appear to his left, even faster than before. Before I even get the chance to reach out though, he moves again. I can feel myself getting frustrated after a couple more attempts, but a voice reaches my mind, ‘our shadows can hide us in the flow, but you can also see through them.’ 

Huh, okay. I think I know what that means.

I look to the captain again, concentration painted across his features. I move to slip into the stream again as I send it towards him, but I feel my consciousness extend with Ido no Kage’s additional focus. I’m still in the stream when I sense, more than feel, his flash step. He appears near the tail of the stream of water that I’d just left. 

Rather than focusing on the location, I focus on the being I’m trying to catch. There’s a gentle tug in my gut as I feel my direction change, despite the flow of the water heading the opposite way. Almost instinctively, I guide the tail of the water to curl behind him, following the path as far as I can before I emerge, zanpakuto extended, as if I’m trying to strike at his midsection.

A clash of metal on metal catches me off guard, his blade meeting mine next to his body. I hadn’t even seen him draw Hyorinmaru.

“Captain Hitsugaya!” my focus falters, “I’m sorry,” the surface of the water around us starts to tremble, white froth emerging, “I was too caught up in my own mind.” 

He shakes his head, applying pressure to lower our blades with a practiced ease, “no, no that was good.”

He glances at the water around us before serious eyes meet my own, “relax Kai.”

“I drew my blade against you.”

“No, you committed to the challenge I gave you.”

I can’t believe I just did that, he said to catch him, not attack him. I could’ve seriously hurt him if the blow landed, I mean, it probably wouldn’t have but-

His hands find my shoulders, Hyorinmaru back in it’s sheath, as he steps forward, eliminating most of the distance between us. “Concentrate Kai, don’t lose yourself in your thoughts. Focus on one thing at a time.” I raise my eyes to meet his, and he holds my gaze, not paying any mind to the water around us that’s quickly spinning out of control.

“I can freeze the water again, but I know you can tame it,” he pauses, “breathe with me.” I see his chest rise and I shakily follow suit. This close to me, I can feel the coolness of his exhale. The hands steadying me, the cool breath and endlessly blue eyes draw me in. He becomes my only point of focus, the water beginning to calm as my panicked thoughts quiet.

His eyes never leave mine as my consciousness reaches out, flowing with the water once again as its surface becomes smooth. Inches away from each other, a soft smile graces his normally stern features, and it steals my breath away. I can feel my face mimicking his as I say, “thank you captain.”

Something about his expression falters and his eyes flicker off to the side, but the expression is gone almost before I can even register it.

“Time for a break?” he asks as he releases me and steps back. Some part of me feels disappointed, but I don’t know what for. I nod, guiding the water back into the pond before dropping my shikai and sheathing my zanpakuto.

With the water out of the way, Captain Hitsugaya walks over to the rocks where we normally sit, bends down, and picks up a cloth-wrapped package. He nods for me to come join him, and I settle onto my spot by the pond. 

At the inquisitive look I send him, he shakes his head, unwrapping the parcel. “Rangiku’s idea,” he unfolds the cloth to reveal a bento box with onigiri and a handful of sides. He separates the bottom section, filled with more of the same, and proffers it to me. “I swear, she still thinks I’m a kid sometimes,” he just shakes his head as he starts to eat. 

“Thank you, captain,” I state quickly, not hesitating to tuck into the food. My body feels drained, like I was pushing myself to my limit after running my shikai for so long.

“Don’t thank me, I barely had anything to do with it,” he says between bites, “training is just one of those things that can last as long or as short as it will. It’s easier to have food on hand than having to pick up, interrupt the day, and head to the mess hall.” 

I smirk at that, “that’s what I keep telling Aoki, Watanabe, and Ono, but they still insist on dragging me with them during their lunch break.”

He looks amused at the thought, “Rangiku used to have to pull me out of my office too.” His head is turned down to look at his food, but I still catch a strange expression from his profile. It looks like something akin to sadness for a moment, but then the usual returns. “It’s been a while since I got out I suppose,” his mouth twists up in an almost wistful smile, eyes meeting mine briefly, “she’s always saying I spend too much time working and not enough time with the squad.”

“If that’s true, then she must be a representative of the opposite case,” I say almost to myself, but the slight bounce in his shoulders tells me he heard me. 

I knew Captain Hitsugaya was still a child when he joined the Spiritual Arts Academy. Hell, he was practically still a kid when he became captain decades ago. Rangiku had been the lieutenant of Squad 10 longer than he had been a part of Seireitei, so I guess it makes sense that she would have tried to take care of him. I try to calculate the years in my head while I take another bite of the onigiri, mustering the courage to ask the captain a personal question.

I exhale, catching his attention in the quiet clearing, as I ask, “how long have you two been partners?”

He stares at the pond, lost in thought for a moment. “Too long,” he shakes his head with a chuckle as he replies, “almost fifty years now.”

As I take another bite of my food I fail to hold back a snicker, fifty years and she still fixed a lunchbox for him.

“What’s so amusing?” I jerk my head up to meet the captain’s narrowed eyes, covering my mouth with the back of my hand as I try to finish chewing and answer, “nothing, nothing.”

He just raises an eyebrow, tilting his head slightly as he waits for me to continue. I finally manage to swallow and, keeping my eyes on his shoulder rather than his face respond, “really, it’s nothing.”

“No, tell me,” I can’t tell if he’s being serious or if he thinks the situation is funny with that damned neutral expression on his face. His eyes narrow as he leans towards me, “that’s an order from your captain, Kai,” a smug look crosses his face as he makes the statement. 

“Ach,” I let out a breath as my incredulous look meets his satisfied one, “that’s not fair!”

He doesn’t say a thing, just waits to see what I’ll do. Crossing my arms in front of my chest, I do my best to stare him down, “I just thought it was sweet, but amusing, that Rangiku had fixed you a lunchbox.”

He feigns an offended look, “it’s a bento box, actually,” he pauses as his face relaxes, “and she made it for you.” Surprised, my serious face falls. He continues, “she knows I’ll train all day without stopping, but you don’t need to do that. Especially not with recent events.”

He starts to put away his now empty container, but I ask, “don’t you need a break sometimes too, though?”

The sincerity of my question must catch him off guard because he takes a moment to respond, picking his words carefully, “every now and then, sure, but,” His eyes drift up to the sky as he must be remembering something or other before returning them to me, “my duty as captain is to protect and lead the members of my squad and defend my home. To do that, I can’t let myself go lax.”

My eyes don’t leave him as I think to myself. Sure, he had to be stronger than the rest of us, that was part of the job description. That doesn't mean he should have to give up on the other parts of life though. 

Taking a slow, steady breath I say, “you do so much for us Captain Hitsugaya.” I pause, searching his eyes for any sign that I’m stepping over the line, “You deserve more than just your duty.”

His face stays blank for a moment, he’s completely unreadable. Oh gods I said something I shouldn’t have, I know that was unprofessional. I feel like I can’t breathe.

His eyes narrow slightly, like he’s trying to analyze every part of mind. Abruptly, he looks down at the small container in his lap. When his gaze returns to mine, it’s careful, with an intense emotion floating in his eyes that I don’t recognize. “Perhaps,” is the only word that leaves his lips, almost in a whisper.

The air feels so tense that I’m sure I could cut through it with Ido no Kage. It’s not an tenseness born from fear or intimidation--that’s what I would have expected from being under a captain’s stern eye. No, this feels like something else. It’s palpable and strong, but I don’t know what to do with it. 

He holds my gaze with those riveting eyes before breaking them away as he stands. My body instantly relaxes as the air doesn’t feel supercharged anymore. 

I gather the remnants of my own meal and bring them over to him. He reaches for the box to put the two pieces back together as my hand extends to meet his. His fingers brush against mine lightly in the exchange, and I take in a sharp breath as both of our eyes quickly meet the others. Then he steps away, turning back to the clearing, but my feet are still rooted to the spot. The moment our hands met it felt like lighting, no, ice had arked through my body. 

“Kai,” my name sounds so sweet coming from his lips. Part of me wishes I could hear it all day.

“Where are you right now?” I jerk my head up, eyes-wide. He caught me daydreaming. His amused look telling me as much.

“Sorry, sir.” 

He just shakes his head, “As long as you don’t get as bad as Rangiku. I need to hang onto the only competent officer I have.”

I giggle softly, hand coming up to cover my mouth, as I follow the back of his haori to the center of the clearing.

His face is all business when he turns to me, “Now that you’ve had time to goof off and get on your captain’s nerves,” the words are serious, but there’s no bite behind them, “back to drilling your shikai.”

I groan internally as I already feel the briefly replishined energy leaving me.

Swipe.

Turn.

Flow.

Focus.

Slide.

Strike.

Clash. 

Steel hits steel for only the fifth time in what must have been several hours by now. I’d learned to diversify what side I was attacking from, completely encircling my target with the water flow to give myself as many options and points of engagement as possible. Despite that, I’d only come close enough to the captain to cause him to raise his zanpakuto five times.

Our blades are still against each other, raised. This time I had attacked from the front, so his calm, but focused gaze lands squarely on me. He applies pressure, stepping forward as he leverages my blade down nearly instantaneously, pushing it aside like it’s child’s play.

Inches from me now, our eyes connect, his inscrutable expression filling my view. “Well done today. Tomorrow we’ll have to see about you continuing your attack. Sparring maybe?”

I inhale rapidly at the thought, knowing good and well that the captain could beat me in any sparring match. 

“Don’t worry,” his expression softens, “I’ll go easy on you.” It almost looks like he’s about to smile, but he schools his expression. “Rangiku’s coming,” he says as he steps back. I move the water behind him and guide it back to the pond, dropping my shikai and sheathing Ido no Kage. 

By the time I look up he’s back to the center of the clearing, his usual, vaguely annoyed expression screwed into place.

“Matsumoto!” his pointed tone lashes out ever so slightly. 

“Oh, Captain!” Rangiku’s head peaks around the tree line that conceals the entrance to the clearing. She smiles at me as she steps forward, “have a good day training captain?” there’s a wiggle to her eyebrows as she looks up at him, not at all intimidated by the glare he sends her way. 

“It was a day free from hearing you snoring on my couch,” he digs through gritted teeth. “Did you finish that report on hollow activity?”

“Oh that little thing,” Rangiku says in a sing-song tone, “I’ll have it finished tomorrow!”

The captain huffs indignantly, “I needed that today Matsumoto.”

“It’ll be fine captain, I was busy making sure Shuhei and Izuru didn’t flake tonight,” she has an easy smile on her face as she brushes past the captain, looping her arm in mine.

“Does that mean you’ve already been drinking with the two of them?” the captain asks, looking both unsurprised and slightly annoyed.

Ignoring the question, she shimmies her shoulder against mine and asks, “ready for some fun for a change?”

“Hey! I can be fun!” the captain interjects before I can answer. 

“Nope,” Rangiku leans into her teasing tone, “you’re not allowed to say you’re fun when you just asked me about paperwork, and right before my day off!” she finishes with a huff.

“I thought you said you’d have the report for me tomorrow,” the captain grits out. I can practically see his eye twitching as Rangiku slowly works her way under his skin. 

“Ah, captain,” she gives him a wink, “it’ll just have to wait till Monday then.” With that she pulls me forward, walking past the captain. 

“Matsumoto.” We only make it a few steps before we both pause and turn, looking back at the captain’s serious tone. He says, straight-faced, “please bring my third seat back in one piece.” 

“You can count on me captain!” she returns, and starts to pull us to the exit. 

“Hold on just a second,” I tell her, slipping my arm out of hers as she gives me a quizzical look. Spinning on my heel, I take a few steps back towards the captain, a surprised look on his face.   
“I wanted to thank you, again,” I say, bowing my head slightly before standing again. 

That rare, gentle smile slips out again as he replies, “I’m glad I can help,” he pauses, “and don’t worry about formalities like the bow.” His hand comes up to rub against the back of his neck, “you’ve been my third seat for several years now. If Matsumoto can get away with bickering with me, you certainly don’t need to worry about stuff like that. I’ve never been one for it.”

I realize my mouth is slightly agape, so I shut it promptly before answering, “alright then, I suppose I can do that.”

He actually smiles that time, before waving me off to join Rangiku. As she pulls me to the path, I turn one last time, catching his eye, “thank you again, captain!” 

That same flicker of sadness? Despondence? Passes over him briefly before Rangiku pulls me out of his sightline. What is that look? And why is making it go away the only thing I seem to care about?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you caught the "I'm fun too!" parallel between Toshiro and Kai good for you. We're going for a two halves of the same coin thing here, and both these shinigami need to learn to chill. Hope they get the chance to. :)


	5. Teasing and Terror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet yall thought I forgot I promised a new chapter in a week. Delivered, as promised. Just uuhhh, like 15 minutes late.

It doesn’t take Rangiku long to drag me out of the garden and towards her home. Looking up at the tall blonde, I ask, “I thought we were going out?” as we come to a stop in front of her porch.

“We are,” she smiles as she releases my arm and steps forward, “give me just a moment.” She slips her sandals off and pads inside, leaving me standing in the open courtyard. I give into the temptation to look back towards the garden, wondering if the captain followed us out. There’s no sign of his snow white hair though. I wish I could ask him what bothered him so much moments earlier, but I don’t know if I’d ever muster the courage to.

“I leave for less than a minute and you’re already looking for the captain!” I jump as Rangiku breaks me out of my thoughts. She laughs as she slides back into her sandals and steps down beside me, and I sheepishly meet her gaze. I’m trying to keep the embarrassed blush off my face, but I’m pretty sure I’m failing when I see her satisfied smile.

“Well, you were taking your sweet time as far as I’m concerned,” I loop my arm through hers, and we start walking outside of the closed courtyard together. “What did you need to get anyway?” 

She gives me a furtive smile as she pulls a small flask from inside her shihakusho, shaking it before stowing it away in an interior pocket.

“Rangiku!” I lean into her with a conspiratorial whisper, “surely the sake at the bar is enough.”

“Not where I’m concerned,” she sighs, “and especially not if I want Shuhei to loosen up.”

“Lieutenant Hisagi?” I give her a suspicious glance. 

“Oh, it’s nothing bad-” she starts to say, but I cut her off.

“I’m not sure there’s anything you could do that he would think was bad.” We stop, both giving each other a serious look, before bursting out into laughter. 

“No,” she shakes her head, “he just mentioned that sake wasn’t to his taste tonight.” 

“So you sneak in liquor for him?” I ask, giggling, and she gives an exasperated sigh. 

“I do what I must,” the back of her hand resting dramatically against her forehead. As we pass through the barracks and the entrance courtyard, I glance around, surprised to see it relatively empty. 

“Rin and Aoki?”

“Ah, I saw them earlier. Rin said she had some shopping to do in Rukongai, so they went ahead of us. Izuru and Shuhei should already be holding our table.”

“Sounds like we have some catching up to do then,” I raise an eyebrow as I look up at her. 

“We certainly don’t have any time to waste walking!” she states with a smile before launching into a flash step. I stay close on her heels. I know she’s moving slower than normal so I can keep up. It’s easy to forget that Rangiku is a lieutenant sometimes between her teasing and her relaxed attitude, but seeing her flex any of her abilities makes her rank apparent.

It takes several minutes to reach the section of Rukongai that we’re headed to, the exhaustion from a day of training couples with the drawn out flash step, and both start to hit me hard. It’s like I can feel the day’s efforts in my bones. Yeah, I’ll probably be pretty sore tomorrow.

We start walking again once we land in one of the trade districts. I wouldn’t call it a place with boisterous nightlife, but it’s busy enough that there’s a palpable excitement in the air. I can spot several black shihakushos in the crowd, heading into and out of nearby restaurants to kick off a well-deserved weekend. Rangiku shifts towards me as she sees me falling behind her clipped pace, grabs my hand, and pulls me forward, “don’t start falling behind already, we haven’t even started drinking yet!”

“As if I could hope to keep up with you anyway Rangiku,” I laugh as I let her pull me along, coming to a stop in front of a ramen shop with colorful banners hanging in the windows. 

We pass through the curtained doorway to see the interior of the shop brightly lit and buzzing with activity. We both glance around the room before we hear a deep voice from the one of the back corners “Rangiku!” Looking in that direction, I spot our little company in one of the back corners, Shuhei Hisagi waving our direction. This time, I grab Rangiku’s hand as I lead us over to the table, scooting around tables and dodging wait staff effortlessly.

A round of greetings and hellos go around the table as I settle with my back against the wall next to Rin, Izuru on her other side. Rangiku has no qualms about plopping herself in between Shuhei and Aoki on the opposite side, teasing smile shooting towards the former as she sits. 

“Order anything yet?” she asks as Izuru rises to pour sake from the open bottle on the table for Rangiku and myself. “Just a couple little things” Shuhei responds, “figured you’d know what you want best.” I nod my thanks to Izuru as he sits back down and he acknowledges with a polite smile. The rest of the table falls into a light chatter with ease. Under normal circumstances I wasn’t what you’d call a chatterbox. After a full day of training, I was even less so.

“Here,” Rin reaches across the table, deftly plucking a gyoza with her chopsticks before sliding it onto the small plate in front of me, “they really are fantastic here.” 

“Thanks, Rin.” I pick it up with the chopsticks at my place setting, chowing down immediately. There’s an incredulous and teasing tone in her voice as she turns to Rangiku across from her, “What did the captain have her doing all day?” 

I splutter, almost choking on my food as a blush lights up my cheeks. Guess this is becoming a habit now. Great. Rin and Rangiku both laugh at my expense while Aoki just shakes his head across from me. Shuhei is too preoccupied pouring from the flask Rangiku had handed him to notice, but Izuru pipes up, “Captain Hitsugaya?” leaning his head forward over the table so he can see me around Rin. 

Somehow I manage to swallow my food before answering him, “yeah, he’s been training with me.”

“You’re training with the captain?” he seems surprised, but I’m not sure why. 

“Yeah,” I reply, “I’d been having trouble with my shikai, and he agreed to help me develop it.” 

“Ah, that makes sense. I don’t mean any offense,” he looks to me again, “I just wasn’t sure if sparring with him was up to your level.” 

“No, none taken,” I assure him quickly, “though..” I trail off, mind returning to the moments before Rangiku had shown up earlier. “He did say we’d try sparring tomorrow,” I say with a shrug. Before anyone else can comment, a server arrives. We all order what’s probably going to be way too much food and another two bottles of sake at Rangiku’s insistence. 

“I can’t possibly drink as much as you think I can Rangiku,” I poke at the woman across from me. 

“We’ll see about that,” she replies, setting forth an unspoken challenge. 

“Don’t worry,” Shuhei pipes up, “I’ll drink whatever’s left of your share.” 

With a sigh, Izuru chimes in, “you two really aren’t planning on getting much done tomorrow are you.” 

The pair shake their heads as Rangiku comments, “no, and neither should you. What is with you people and working on our days off? Speaking of,” she narrows her eyes at me and I meet hers over the cup against my lips, “what’s this about you training with the captain tomorrow?”

“What do you mean?” 

Rangiku rolls her eyes as Rin digs her elbow into my side and asks, “yeah, aren’t you still recovering?” 

“I mean, I’m pretty much back at full strength by now. Besides, I don’t mind, I’ve been making a lot of progress.” There’s nothing incriminating behind the statement, but of course Rangiku and Rin send a knowing smile across the table. They hold off on making any comments as a server brings bowls to rest in front of us. I try to ignore the mischievous look in Rangiku’s eye as I grab my first bite.

“Yeah, that’s one way to describe it,” comes Rangiku’s snicker. 

My eyes shoot up to hers, “and that’s supposed to mean what, exactly, Matsumoto?”

She cackles, takes another sip from her drink and stating, “oh, nothing.” Her teasing eyes meet mine, “it just didn’t look like you were training when I found you two yesterday.” 

There’s a surprised look on the face of all the boys at the table while Rin exclaims, “What! You didn’t tell me you caught them doing anything Rangiku!”

“Because we weren’t!” I splutter, “and what do you mean she didn’t tell you!?” I turn, shooting Rin an incredulous look. 

“Aigh,” Rangiku gives a melodramatic sigh, “they’re so boring, but I can tell,” she finishes with a smile.

“What do you mean boring?!”

“Wait are,” Shuhei’s confused tone reaches me from across the table, “are you and Captain Hitsugaya?”

“No, no we’re not anything,” I state exasperatedly, putting my hands up in a placating motion, “he’s just training with me.” 

“Yeah, that’s why you can’t keep your eyes off him,” comes a snicker from my left.

“Rin!” We haven’t even made it halfway through the meal, and I think they’ve all consumed decidedly enough alcohol already.

“To be fair,” Rangiku commands the attention of the attention of the table, “it goes both ways.”

The tables breaks out into excited chatter from the girls and generally confused questions from the boys as they try to catch up. Both ways. What does she mean both ways? I mean sure, yes, maybe I’ve been uh, drooling over the captain more than I should be, but he’s been as composed as ever. 

“I really don’t know how you’re able to tell anything about what’s going on in the captain’s head,” Aoki finally sighs. 

Rangiku’s excited smile turns his way, “Oh it’s not hard, you just have to spend enough time around him to learn.”

“Easy for you to say. You’ve been with him since he was a kid,” Rin interjects. She grabs the bottle from the center of the table and refills Rangiku’s cup, mine, and her own as she asks, “but, for the unindoctrinated, what would those tells be?”

“I’m ignoring you both,” I state as I dig into my bowl. 

“Fine with me,” Rin teases, “I want to hear though.” I sigh, trying not to seem as invested in the conversation as I am. 

Rangiku smiles as she opens her mouth to speak, but Izuru cuts in, “are you sure you should be talking about Captain Hitsugaya’s personal business?” 

“Ugh, Izuru, live a little,” she throws back at him before jumping into the topic at hand with glee, “well, he was super concerned when I got him your report Kai. Then, he kept pestering me with questions the rest of the day, which is weird because it’s normally me that annoys him.”

“I’m not sure that all means what you think it means Rangiku,” Shuhei gives her a dubious look in between bites.

“Well it wouldn’t assume so either,” she continues, “but I caught him daydreaming about something yesterday after the captain’s meeting, and he’s been hounding me all week about finishing a report about the hollow that attacked Kai.”

I perk up as my name enters the conversation, “I thought that was a general report?”

“And I’m still not quite buying it Rangiku,” Izuru chimes in. Thank you, a voice of reason.

“The captain was almost late to the meeting yesterday because he lost track of time with her, and,” she pauses for dramatic effect, “he turned in a report late.” 

“Captain Hitsugaya did?!”

“Are you sure?”

Rangiku’s smug grin holds the attention of the table, “see, I told you I know things.” My face has to be beet red by now. Maybe if I summon my shikai, I can use the broth left in the bowl to disappear. But...does the captain really? No, I don’t need to let thoughts like that run wild in my head.

My thoughts and their chatter both get interrupted when a hell butterfly drifts over to the table, landing on Aoki’s shoulder. The table quiets for a moment as he pulls out a denreishinki, sending a quick message. “I’m on call tonight, hollow activity.” 

“Aoki, you can’t-” I start to say, but he shakes his head. 

“No I’m fine, I haven’t had anything to drink all evening.” Ah, I’d missed that somewhere between the humiliating conversation and the drinks I’d downed trying to ignore said conversation. The phone in his hand beeps and he answers it immediately, “Captain Hitsugaya?” a pause, “yes sir, see you there sir.”

He stands quickly, “the captain is going to the world of the living with me, just in case it’s another mishap,” He starts to pull out money to cover his part of the bill, but I wave him on, “No, go Aoki, I’ll cover for you.” He nods his thanks and then he’s out the door.

“Well, what’s dinner without a little excitement right?” Rangiku breaks the silence that had briefly fallen over the table. We all take a few moments to finish up our food, and Rangiku orders one last round of a sweet dessert wine.

“Gah, I think this is too sweet for me Rangiku,” Shuhei’s face twists into a grimace as he processes his first taste of the drink. 

“Eh, I don’t think it’s that bad. I kinda like it, it’s smooth,” Izuru adds his own commentary. 

“Speaking of smooth,” I turn to Rin, “I hope you’ve been having a smooth recovery?”

She gives me a deadpan look, “Kai. I mean this with the utmost sincerity. I think that was the lamest joke I’ve ever heard.” I roll my eyes at her as the table bursts out into a fit of giggles, but I quickly follow suit. Okay, so the drinks might be hitting. 

“I’m fine Kai,” she drags out her vowels a little extra with each word, “you worry about me too much.” She throws her arms around my shoulders as she finishes speaking, and I slip my arm around her waist to make sure we don’t both inevitably tumble off the bench. 

“You shouldn’t keep getting into fights with mystery hollows then!” I exclaim, but she just pokes me in the side, making me jump “last time I checked, we both picked a fight with a mystery hollow.”

“Yes, yes girls you’re both scrappy,” Rangiku leans over the table, swiping and draining what was left in my cup. 

“Hey, I wasn’t done with that!” 

“The captain said I had to get you back in one piece, so, you know,” she gives a playful shrug. 

“Let me guess,” I respond, “you do what you must?” We both end up bent over laughing as the round of insults and jabs continue, even Izuru gets a couple in at Shuhei’s expense.

The crowd doesn’t look like it’s thinning as we finish our drinks and pay the tab, but sticking around much longer may be hazardous to our health. Rangiku seems to be of the same mind as she stands abruptly, “Alright, enough dilly dallying,” hiccup, “I still have that leftover bottle from last weekend at my house that we need to finish.”

Izuru just gives a thumbs up from where his head is resting on the table while Shuhei slowly comes to his feet.

“More drinking Rangiku? Are you sure you still have a liver?” I question as I pull myself and Rin onto our feet, swaying ever so slightly.

“If I had a coin for every time I heard that I’d have enough money for more drinks,” Rangiku says with a laugh, coming around the table to tuck under Rin’s other side while Shuhei pulls Izuru up. I don’t trip as we move out of the door, and I think that’s something to be proud of. I can’t seem to decide if it would be safer to walk or flash step back from here. Rangiku decides for me as she says with a wink, “keep your feet under you,” and dissipates with Rin. Ugh, okay, flash step it is. 

My focus stays on my feet rather than the energetic woman in front of me or the two men trying to keep up behind me. I manage to only slip on one roofing tile, but catch myself before I lose my footing entirely. There’s definitely more… bobbing to my step than normal, but, all in all, not as bad as it could be.

I drop to my feet in front of Rangiku’s house and don’t waste any time heading up the stairs of the front porch, kicking my sandals off as I go. She’s left the door open for us to come inside, and the boys land as I cross the threshold. 

I’d been in Rangiku’s home plenty of times over the last several years, oftentimes in this very situation at the end of a night out, and it looks about as it normally does. The sitting room is neat and nicely decorated, knick knacks from the world of the living standing out. The shoji screen door to the right is open, letting in a cool breeze. I hear Rangiku’s voice come from the open door in the back of the room, doing something in her bedroom, “go ahead and make yourselves comfortable, I’ll be right out.” 

Rin must be in the back room with her because I don’t see her either. The boys plop down on the couches bantering back and forth about something, but I wander over to the open door.

Leaning against the screen’s frame carefully, I peek my head outside. I have a clear view of Toshiro’s house from here. Wait. There it is again, I’m thinking of the captain by his given name. 

Huh. 

I don’t know, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to call him that. But then again, he has to be proud of the rank he holds, and I never hear anyone use his name outside of, well, Rangiku, and that normally starts a fight. 

I wonder when the last time he heard his name was?

It doesn’t look like any of the lights are on in his house, so he must be asleep already. Oh! Or he’s still out with Aoki, but that would be odd. If they’re still in the world of the living they’ll probably be back soon though. It can’t take that long to kill a hollow. 

Is that? I hear whispering behind me, but I don’t feel like turning around. It’s probably just Rangiku being silly. Straining my ears to try and catch something I hear, “-told you so, isn’t it cute?” 

“Huh?” I ask dumbly as I turn around, my head tilting to the side, “what’s cute?” 

Rin and Rangiku are both finally back out in the main room, but, unfortunately, everyone’s attention is on me. “What?” I ask again, staring at the cheeky looks on the girl’s faces. I bring my hands up to my cheeks, palms flat, as I sigh, “what is it, did I do something stupid?”

Rangiku jumps up and pulls me over, “it’s only stupid if nothing comes of it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Ugh Rangiku,” Rin interjects before I can respond, “I’m hungry, don’t you have anything to eat?”

“She normally makes us go raid your mess hall for snacks, so my guess is, no,” Shuhei answers. Rangiku feigns offense and starts up a bickering match with him. I throw a glance to Izuru, but it looks like he’s already asleep, head laid back over the top of the couch. Looks like I’m still the only person that can get anything done around here. 

I waltz over to where Rin is sitting and grab her hands, “stay here,” I stare at her for a moment to make sure she’s paying attention to me. She nods slowly and I stand up straight again, “Rangiku, I’ll go grab us some food.” 

“Alright, don’t get lost!”

“It’s 200 yards that way,” I say with a deadpan, pointing behind me.

“Still!” I roll my eyes at her insistence and head out the door. It takes a couple tries to get my sandals on, but I manage. The walk over to the mess hall is quiet. Most of the squad is either out, asleep, or crashing in someone’s room like we’re crashing in Rangiku’s house right now. 

My foot catches on the last step up to the mess hall porch, but I catch myself on one of the support posts, avoiding a faceplant. It’s going to be really annoying if I survive the whole evening out just to get a bruise on a snack run. I pass through the doors without another thought and head to the back of the building where the kitchen is. I don’t have enough energy to actually make anything, but I can grab some of the basics to nibble on.

There’s...something doesn’t feel right. Or...smell right? I think it’s an odd smell. I feel a slight tingle at the back of my mind, ‘Ido no Kage?’ my hand goes to her handle at my side. No, she doesn’t say anything. Weird. 

I push open the door to the kitchen and a strong smell hits me in the face. I spin on my heel, catching myself on the pillar behind me as I double over. I don’t know whether I want to puke or run, but the smell sobers me up a bit. It’s...sulfuric? Something’s definitely not right. 

My hand flies to my zanpakuto at my hip, drawing her smoothly as I turn back towards the kitchen, maybe I can find the sour-

There’s a flash of light, a whoosh followed by a boom, and I go flying backwards, the back of my head connecting with something unyielding, and everything goes black.

There’s a moment of nothingness.

It’s quiet. 

Quiet and hot. 

No, there’s a ringing. I can’t hear anything else. My eyes are closed, and I’m on my side. 

Why am I on my side?

A panicky breath goes in, ach, I can’t. My lungs are screaming. What’s happening? I need to move. It’s hot, it’s so hot.

‘Move Kaida, you have to get up’ Ido no Kage, I can hear her--no, I can still feel her. I focus on my limbs, reorienting myself in my body. She’s still in my hand. Tightening my grip around my zanpakuto, I force my eyes open, despite how dry they are. 

Fire. There’s fire all around me. An explosion. Shit.

I pull my sprawled limbs to me, collapsing in on myself, coming to my hands and knees. I don’t know how I’m going to get out when I can barely breath and I feel like I can’t move. Surely someone knows what’s happening? But everyone was out or asleep. They’ll be slow to respond.

Fuck. No, no I’m not going down this easy. Summoning all the strength I can muster, I jab Ido no Kage’s tip into the floorboards, pulling myself up slowly. I try to take a step as I’m hunched over my zanpakuto, but my head starts spinning. 

My balance is all wrong, and I don’t think it’s from the alcohol. My feet stumble backwards as I lose my footing, back hitting the pillar behind me and I sink to the ground.

I must have hit my head pretty damn hard on the pillar when the explosion went off.

There’s just so much smoke and heat. I can’t see the door. The fire feels like it’s creeping in from all sides. Maybe if I can use my zanpakuto? 

I croak more than whisper, “whisper, Ido no Kage.” Now water, I just need water. Focusing my thoughts, I… I can’t sense any. There should have been water in the dispensers near the front of the building or the sink at the back. It must have all been scattered or evaporated by the explosion. I can feel frustrated tears start to prick at my eyes, adding insult to injury. Why? Why is this happening? I have two of the best days of my life and that’s it?

My head starts to droop, there’s just too much smoke. The corners of my vision are fighting to keep the black at bay. But I..I can hear something other than ringing. There’s shouting over the roar of the fire. Someone must be outside. One more chance. 

I grip my zanpakuto one more time, not wasting any effort looking for water. No, this time, I just want to generate as much spiritual power as I can. Maybe they’ll feel me, because I don’t have any voice left to call out with. Please, someone feel me.

Mountain air. 

I take a gasping breath as the smoke clears from around my form briefly. 

Then I take another breath. 

It feels like a mountain breeze. 

Toshiro’s spiritual pressure washes over me like the first snowfall of the season, blanketing and banking the fires around me. My eyes are barely open, on the verge of unconsciousness despite the brief respite, but I can tell the visual doesn’t match the feeling of his spiritual pressure. It’s strange. It’s like a blizzard erupted in the mess hall, snow swirling and howling into the still burning flames and smothering them. 

My eyes drift closed once more. Despite that, I limply try to push myself up one more time, maybe I can get to him. I manage raising myself a few inches before my arms give out. 

I don’t hit the pillar though, something soft catches me. Arms. I crack my eyes open. A captain’s haori. 

Toshiro.

He slides his other arm underneath my knees, quickly but gently, and pulls me into his chest. His grip is steady and firm as he stands, lifting me like I’m nothing, tucking my head up against his collarbone, my forehead resting against his neck. All I can feel are his arms and chest. Cool, but not cold. 

Safe.

A loud crack sounds above us, and I feel a shift in the space around me as the roof starts to collapse. The heat fades. He must have flash stepped out of the building. 

Through the ringing in my ears, I can hear shouts and footsteps. Captain Hitsugaya’s grip around me tightens as one pair of footsteps rush in our direction. My hand weakly clutches at the soft fabric of his haori. I don’t want to let him go. I don’t want anyone else to take me from where I’m safe. “Nakamura,” the captain doesn’t wait to be addressed, “go assist Matsumoto, tell her I’ve got Shima.”

“But sir, Kai-”

“Now!” the captain’s commanding tone has a bite to it that brooks no argument.

He lifts me in his arms, shifting me so he can carry me with more ease before flash stepping once more. I hear his feet hit gravel, then wood. He shifts me once more as he sits somewhere, pulling me even closer to his chest as I curl up in his lap.

There’s the soft sensation of a gentle hand against my cheek. 

“Kai,” that sweet voice calling my name, “Kai I need you to open your eyes for me, please.”

My hand tightens around his haori and I try to hide my face in his chest. I don’t want him to see me like this, weak and overwhelmed, my emotions running higher and spinning faster than any other moment I can think of. Like my zanpakuto whirling out of control.

His thumb gently brushes over my cheek, trying to soothe the panic that’s still in my mind. “Kai,” he coos once more, “please.” 

Groaning, my eyes start watering and tears fall immediately as I peel them open. It takes a moment for my vision to clear, but I can feel those gentle fingers wiping the moisture away from my eyes. 

Slowly turning my face up to meet his, inches away from my own, all I can see are turquoise eyes. Turquoise eyes filled to the brim with worry. 

“Hey, hey there,” he speaks softly as the arm around my torso squeezes me gently. His hand on my cheek wipes away at what I assume is ash and grime. I struggle to take in a breath and speak, but my lungs rebel, and I end up hacking and coughing. His arms just encircle me, holding me as the coughs wrack my body.

He holds me like he’s scared I might break, my head resting on his shoulder. I take in our surroundings, grimacing at the pain that still stings at my eyes. We’re sitting on the edge of his front porch, his back against one of the support pillars.

“Shh, don’t try to talk right now.” His hand rubs smooth circles into my back as the coughs subside. As I find my breath again, my body still feeling like it’s been hit by a train, he pulls me back just enough to see my face, still cradling me in his arms.

All I can do is rest my head against his chest. I want to thank him, but my drained body can’t muster the words. All I see is those eyes, sad and worried. 

I didn’t want to see them sad anymore. 

Unable to do anything else, I settle for closing my eyes and nuzzling my cheek against the haori that I’m still holding onto too tightly. 

As I open my eyes again and look up into his, his expression shifts. The intense worry fades to something much softer. Relief smooths the stressed features in front of me. It’s then that I notice the snow gently falling around us. Of course. He must have used Tenso Jurin to quell the fire.

“Kai-” his normally smooth and steady voice starts to crack with an emotion I don’t recognize. He takes a shaky breath in and out. He pulls me into his chest, hand slipping into my hair at the back of my head to hold me to him. I don’t mind, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. “I’m sorry.” What? He just saved me, why is he apologizing? 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here faster.”

I may not be able to talk, but I won’t let him get away with that, not when he just quite literally pulled me out of a fire. I wind my free arm around his back and squeeze as tightly as I can in my weakened state. He responds in kind, and I feel him bury his face in my messy hair.

“Squad 4 is coming,” he mumbles into my hair, “just stay with me until they get here.”

I pull back ever so slightly so I can see him again, snow white hair and snow flurries framing his face against the dark sky. I breathe as deeply as I can, mouth opening and closing several times as I try to test my voice again. His expression grows concerned, “no, it’s okay, I’ve got you now. Don’t push yourself.”

I shake my head gently, staring up into those endlessly impossible eyes. I can manage a scratchy whisper. Taking one more breath, I say, softly, “thank you, Toshiro.”

His surprised, wide eyes go soft, full of more care than I think I can comprehend. A gentle smile graces his lips as he bends his head down, his forehead resting against mine. His hand rests steady against the back of my head, holding us in place.

“Always,” comes his breathless whisper.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for dropping by. I'll have the next chapter edited and up soon. <3


End file.
